Like A Tree

shaking.

2011-01-08T21:43:00.000-08:00

When You came down long ago, You did awesome deeds beyond our highest expectations. And oh, how the mountains quaked! For since the world began, no ear has heard, no eye has seen a God like you, who works for those who wait for Him!

Isaiah 64:3-4

I honestly believe that 2011 is going to be a year of shaking. Not necessarily trials or challenges, more so life defining moments that will shake us down to the core of our spirits. This past week, I have felt two "earthquakes" that were not recorded by the U.S. Geological Survey. Maybe they were dreams, maybe our house was the epicenter for two miniquakes. Regardless, something's up in the Heavenly Realm. In Scripture, the ground shakes before or after a significant moment. Sinai shook when the Lord descended. An earthquake followed the last breath of Jesus marking the end of separation between us and Heaven. Shaking occurred when the Spirit rested as tongues of fire during Pentecost.
God's up to something and He's letting us in on the secret. What is required of us is waiting.
waiting.
Waiting on the Lord. Waiting for Him to act in His own time.
Ground shaking changes await us.
Ready for this?
2011 is going to rock, literally.

Enjoy.

2010-08-24T12:49:00.000-07:00

listen.
make your own.

Get Low.

2010-08-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

Next movie on my must-see-list is Get Low, starring Robert Duvall (love him) and Bill Murray.

Great story.

Great actors.

It looks visibly pleasing and though provoking.

Read the review here.

A Must Read.

2010-08-23T17:06:00.001-07:00

Yet another from RELEVANT Magazine.

What It Means to Wait on the Lord

Larissa Peters

I left graduate school believing that very soon I would have a job, career, ministry … something that I would feel fulfilled in and gain experience from. I didn’t feel the need to pay attention to a conversation I had with my grandfather driving home cross-country back to Oregon. We were talking about knowing what one is supposed to do with one’s life, and I asked him, “How do I know that it is exactly where I should be at?”

My grandpa shared a piece of advice I would forget, only to remember it after I had to learn the hard way: “Larissa,” he said, “when you pray, pray as to get to know Christ. Prayer is about knowing our Father in heaven.”

A little taken aback at the seeming irrelevancy of the advice, I nodded my head and changed lanes. I have to remember this, I thought. OK, I told myself, I should pray to know Christ; OK, I have to do that … then I will know what God’s will is for me.

Months down the road after discouragement, angst, anger and frustration, I found myself still in the same place, still with no perspective future, unemployed and even more worried and restless than before.

I sat on the rocks by a river near our house, having spent a week in tears and confusion, feeling broken and overwhelmed. I felt as though I had somehow fallen into a deep ditch, and I could not even find any foothold to climb out. I had never felt so discouraged in my life. When looking at where I could be in five years or even five months, I could not even conjure up a small picture through the blackness that enveloped me.

Looking out across the river, I just sat. I did nothing.

And a question came to me: “Larissa, what are you waiting for?”

That was easy. “For You, Lord.”

“Larissa, what are you waiting for?”

Hmm. “For You, of course, Lord."

“Larissa, what are you waiting for?”

I began to feel like Peter, “Um ... for You, Lord!”

“Are you really?”

This question came softly, like a gentle hand that lifted up my chin to help me see more than my feet.

I asked myself the question again, “Am I really?” It dawned on me slowly and my grandfather’s words came back to me: “When you pray, pray to know Christ.”

Yes, I had been waiting for the Lord … but for Him to come through for me with a job, a plan, anything that came up, just something more than waiting on the Lord.

“Waiting on the Lord” can become cliché quite quickly, but I began to finally see what my grandpa meant. I had an agenda each time I prayed. My prayers did not reveal a satisfaction in God but a dissatisfaction with Him. I knew I could trust Him, but I prayed as though my plans were wiser and better than His. I prayed as though I did not trust Him.

As soon as I began to pray without an agenda, my inner anxieties began to dissolve.

I relaxed about where I was and who I was.

My vision seemed uncannily clearer. I no longer prayed with the nonverbal ultimatum of “come through for me or else."

I arrived at a place of “being” instead of waiting. I became comfortable and comforted.

Sue Monk Kidd tells a story that reflects our often mistaken viewpoint on waiting. During a retreat at a monastery, in her restless state, she notices a monk:

"[He was] sitting perfectly still beneath a tree. There was such reverence in his silhouette, such tranquil sturdiness, that I paused to watch. He was the picture of waiting.

"Later I sought him out. 'I saw you today sitting beneath the tree—just sitting there so still. How is it that you can wait so patiently in the moment? I can't seem to get used to the idea of doing nothing.'

"He broke into a wonderful grin. 'Well, there's the problem right there, young lady. You've bought into the cultural myth that when you're waiting you're doing nothing.'

"Then he took his hands and placed them on my shoulders, peered straight into my eyes and said, 'I hope you'll hear what I'm about to tell you. I hope you'll hear it all the way down to your toes. When you're waiting, you're not doing nothing. You're doing the most important something there is. You're allowing your soul to grow up. If you can't be still and wait, you can't become what God created you to be.'”

This is where God eventually called me after all those months: to a new perspective of becoming something out of seemingly nothing.

more?

2010-08-21T16:46:00.000-07:00

God's a great pitcher.

He throws great curve balls....curve balls that totally catch you off guard.

God just threw another curve ball, not at me directly but to Sara. Sara's moving back to Riverside.

Yeah.

WHAT?

Just when I think this time of change and shift is over, I get knocked off my feet by another unexpected occurrence.

So...more changes are ahead, once again.

We need another roommate to take Sara's place for a couple months. God is the only one who can provide what we need for that small window of time.

yikes.

new job, school starting, no Sara, Lilly, Brian....

So many new things.

So many changes.

Yet, God stays the same. He remains.

I put my trust in the unchanging One.

But it's so hard.

So decided to add more to this random post:

check out this link.

It's from RELEVANT Magazine and how we can encounter God through secular music.

Ah yes! Finally, people are noticing. It doesn't have to be a Chris Tomlin song or ancient hymn.

It can be raw, it can have cuss words. God is not pigeon holed to what Christians label "music."

Amen to that.

I love this quote from Liz Riggs, the author of the article,

"We’re all prone to question—and if we don’t, how will we grow? The more we search and grapple with what God has given us, the more we can discover. This is the most raw form of growth, except we often don’t see it in contemporary church worship."

Amen to that also.

Let's just get everything out....

Following is the verse I am currently struggling with:

Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

Romans 12:10

I am having the hardest time loving those that drive me absolutely up the wall. I have no problem loving those that give me attention and that give me what I want.

Pride again.

I am so sick of pride.

I have a long way to go.

Another question I have is....

Why do we fear being real?!

Can we please be real with one another without fear of rejection? We should be able to point out faults in a loving way. Not because we want to point out your problems, but to help each other be the best we can be. I am completely guilty of this as well. There are so many things I feel God wants me to say, yet I keep it in because I fear the reactions of people if I tell them what God has shown me.

I just want to scream at my own hypocrisy.

Want to know what else is crazy?

This whole life I live, is a choice.

I am choosing to love as Jesus loved.

Choosing to seek healing from pride and other issues that I have.

It's all a choice.

Isn't that crazy?

We already belong to the light, but we must choose to live inside its boundaries.

I feel like I am writing a Sara Vanni blog.

word vomit everywhere.

Ok, I think I am done know.

P.S. Listen to Mumford & Sons.

Martha.

2010-08-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

I am really good at being distracted.

(You should see how long it takes me to write a paper.)

I wake up in the morning with a to-do list, and, rarely is Jesus on the top.

He should be the only thing on my list, yet I push Him down farther and farther as I put my desires ahead of His plans for the day.

I am a Martha.

Yesterday, I dropped Ash off at the airport and had plans to clean and organize all day, thinking to myself that I'll do God time later. As I began my attack on the house, I spoke out loud "I am being a Martha."

It caught me completely off guard and then it began to sink in.

I am a Martha.

In Luke 10, Jesus visits some friends on His way to Jerusalem. Martha frantically runs around the house preparing dinner, cleaning, trying to make things look nice for Jesus and His disciples. Mary, her sister, is not at all concerned with anything but spending time with Jesus. Eventually Martha freaks out that no one is helping her and begins complaining to Jesus and asking Him to make Mary help her.

Jesus replies, "You are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing to be concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her."

I am such a Martha and Mary people really bother me. Mary people can drop whatever they are doing when they hear God call. Martha people say "Just a sec. Let me finish this first."

Funny, I though I knew how to rest, but the truth is, I have no idea have to rest.

I clean and organize when I should be enjoying time with my family and friends.

In a way, Martha-ness correlates with pride.

Pride.

I am so sick of seeing how prideful I am. It seems to go on forever. There are so many layers and sub levels to pride that I feel that I will never be healed from it. Mary people frustrate me so much because pride gets in the way of loving them the way God loves.

God's got His work cut out for Him on this one.

Yesterday I also realized that I am unemployed for a week and a half, which includes getting my wisdom teeth out. Meaning I'll be "resting" for almost 4 days straight.

Perfect Mary training time.

Ok God, let's do this.

It is so frustrating how easily distracted we are when there is only one thing to be concerned about.

Hopefully one day I can proclaim that there is only thing I am concerned about and His name is Jesus.

Until then, it's another season of challenges and growth.

Seems to be the theme for the past oh...year or so!

Funny how the deeper we go into Christ, more crap seems to surface. Jesus wants to get down there, as deep as He can go and if there is anything blocking His way, He's going to kick it out. Jesus doesn't want to live amongst our stinky crap and He doesn't want His house to be full of past issues and hurts.

So He pushes them out.

It's the pushing out that really sucks.

We get to see what we have been carrying around, but it's not a time to wallow in judgement. It's for issues to be brought to the light, to seek healing, and to praise God for His everlasting, unconditional, unrelenting love.

Selah.

This season I am a Martha transforming into a Mary.

Pray that I slow down, rest, breathe in my Papa's presence.

Pray that I find the one thing that matters.

May we all fall deeper in love with our Heavenly Abba.

6.

2010-08-16T12:32:00.001-07:00

I love You, Lord

And I lift my voice

To worship You

Oh, my soul, rejoice

Take joy my King

In what You hear

May it be a sweet, sweet sound

In You ear.

So simple, yet so beautiful, so deep.

Invigorated.

2010-08-12T23:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Jenny, Sara, and I got the heck out of dodge for a little escape from reality.

We ventured about 30 minutes away to beautiful Rancho Palos Verdes and found this amazing pool of crystal clear sea water. As soon as I saw this narrow inlet of flowing tide water, I wanted to jump in

So we did.

The shock of the freezing water was completely rejuvenating.

At that moment, nothing mattered.

My mind went blank as the cold water shot its way into my brain.

It was so refreshing to NOT have to think about anything.

No stress. No moving. No hardships.

No nothing.

As Alex Carpenter said "How invigorating is the leap of faith."

I felt alive.

Thank you Papa

Grinding (2).

2010-08-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

There is a time for everything.

A time for this.

A time for that.

A couple days I wrote that my community here falls into the more depressing side of these verses in Ecclesiastes.

There have been times of crying, grieving, scattering stones, searching, and tearing.

A time of grinding.

A time of change.

Our dear friends, the HB boys are splitting up. Some staying close, others moving away.

Things are changing. Dynamics are shifting.

Things are changing.

It has been tough, yet (such a beautiful word) I cannot keep focusing on the sadness.

We can be sad yes, we were made to experience the full range of emotion, but we must trust in the confident hope that God has plans to prosper us not to harm us.

God is working through this roller coaster of change and the more I focus on it, the clearer He is becoming.

I have already witnessed so much individual growth in my house and the boys house already and I am so excited to see how He continues to work.

Yeah this sucks, really sucks but the positives and the hope for the beautiful future God is bringing us into is beginning to outweigh the burdens of sadness.

There is time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

Let us laugh and dance. Remember the good times, thank God for His blessings and for His future provision.

"For I knows the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for a disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you"

Jeremiah 29:11-14

Babeled.

2010-08-08T12:41:00.000-07:00

Everything seems to be crumbling before my eyes.

My towers are falling down,

brick by brick.

piece by piece.

Dismantling, ripping, tearing.

Structures of comfort and pride being ripped away.

Did we become too proud of our selves?

Ww tried to build to the heavens,

show the world the towers we have built.

Show them the blueprints of our future accomplishments.

The towers are now crumbling.

The blueprints destroyed.

We stand, staring at the bare foundation.

The foundation that we forgot as we built higher and higher.

We became Babel.

And now we are being scattered.

Grinding.

2010-08-06T15:38:00.000-07:00

There's a passage in Ecclesiastes that many of us are familiar with.

A time for this.

A time for that.

As Sara and I read this, I could see my friends and family in each verse.

The season that my community is currently in, falls on the more negative plane of these verses.

It has been a time to die, yet be reborn.

A time to be harvested.

A time to be healed.

A time to be torn down.

A time to cry.

A time to scatter stones.

A time to be embraced.

A time to search.

A time to throw away.

A time to be torn and be mended.

A time to be loved.

A time to be at war.

So much pain, frustration, and anger has seemed to be surfacing all at the same time.

It has been a season of refinement, a painful grinding down of self and past failures, sins, and mistakes. A couple weeks ago, God showed me a picture of a mortar and pestle, adding that this image represented our future.

Wonderful.

But, God reminded me that through this grinding, we will be broken down into our true selves.

Pure.

Not a compound of other materials.

Honestly, this season has been completely terrible, miserable, and quite depressing.

Makes you wonder...why God? WHY does this suck so much?!

While Sara and I were praying for our family and friends, God gave her a vision of a girl that was being stripped of layers. She was being cut open by a knife, layer by layer.

However, underneath all the layers was a sword.

The tools and power we have to fight are already present inside of us. It is through these periods of such pain and anguish that we realize the power we posses.

As Albert Camus once said....

In the midst of winter, I realized that there was in me an invincible summer.

God does not put us through these trials because He enjoys watching us suffer.

He is right by our side, holding us, catching our tears, so excited for you to realize the power that He has already given you.

Satan also knows the power we possess and he is terrified that we will discover this authority.

He will make the pain seem useless, leading you away from the true purpose of the pain.

So often we are blinded and distracted by the feeling of the pain itself, that we cannot see the transformation that is occurring inside of us. That darn devil is so afraid of our potential that he's going to do everything to get at you, to turn your face away from the light.

This is a battle.

Papa, give us courage and boldness everyday to pick up our swords and yell "CHARGE!"

May we face the battle head on, not waiting for it to come to us. Show us the invincible summers that dwell inside each us, show us the authority and power that you have blessed us with even before we were born.

That sword is heavy and scary. I can't do this alone, Lord.

Thank you for never leaving, for helping us pick up our swords, for giving us the boldness to say "charge," even it is a whisper.

Discombobulation.

2010-08-03T15:43:00.000-07:00

It's been 4 weeks since I have come back from the DR.

When people ask me, "How was your trip?" I still respond with "I have no idea."

So many thoughts going on up in this brain of mine.

So many things God has been teaching me.

Way too many things to write down.

Too many tears.

Too many emotions.

It has honestly been the most rollercoaster(y) couple of weeks I have ever experienced.

Please keep our house and my community in your prayers as we continue to work through what God has planned out for us.

5.

2010-06-16T09:23:00.000-07:00

We have the idea that we can dedicate our gifts to God. However, you cannot dedicate what is not yours. There is only one thing you can dedicate to God, and that is your right to yourself (see Romans 12:1). If you will give God your right to yourself, He will make a holy experiment out of you--and His experiments always succeed. The one true mark of a saint of God is the inner creativity that flows from being totally surrendered to Jesus Christ. In the life of a saint there is this amazing Well, which is a continual Source of original life. The Spirit of God is a Well of water springing up perpetually fresh. A saint realizes that it is God who engineers his circumstances; consequently there are no complaints, only unrestrained surrender to Jesus. Never try to make your experience a principle for others, but allow God to be as creative and original with others as He is with you.

-Oswald Chambers

Picture Perfect.

2010-06-14T20:11:00.001-07:00

Ever have a picture depict exactly how you feel?

I have.

This is mine.

Dominican.

2010-06-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

On June 25, a flight leaving at 6 am from LAX will start my official journey to the Dominican Republic. For 11 days I will be serving alongside Antioch church from Riverside, CA, improving a church and ministering to the people of the Dominican. God has been preparing me for this trip since January. It has been amazing to realize that God promised something and came full circle with it.

January 12: a 7.0 earthquake demolished Haiti, the country that shares its borders with the Dominican Republic

January 24: at church, God told me I needed patience and showed my yellow cars. I began seeing yellow cars every day, many times up to 17 a day.

January 25: we watched the Mars Hill video of Mark Driscoll and Churches Helping Churches and eyes were opened to the devastation of what was going on in Haiti. At that moment there was nothing more I wanted then to be there and keeping those orphaned kids safe from the evil all around them. God revealed to me that the yellow cars and patience were in regards to an opportunity to serve children, here or abroad.

April 10: Mady tells me about the Dominican Republic church with Antioch church and I begin to pray about whether God wants me to go or not. Previously, I told God that if He wanted me to go anywhere to have someone come and ask me to go. When Mady asked me I wondered...

April 11: At church, I felt the need to go to the D.R. I asked Sara to pray for me but I didn't tell her what I needed prayer for. She told me she saw four fires, one burning separately while the other three burned close together. The three fires came to the fourth and they exploded into one gigantic, burning fire. Instantly as she said this, I knew God was telling me to go. The fire burning by itself was me. The other three represented God, Antioch, and the Dominican.

May 14: Mady tells me that we will be working with kids in the Dominican

June 6: first meeting with my team and I love them. The Curries are amazing and the people on my team are so welcoming and so in love with Jesus

I leave in 17 days.

Total full circle.

I am so incredibly excited to be serving in a foreign country. I absolutely love experiencing new things and being immersed in new cultures. It is easy to have expectations about mission trips and the only one I am trying to have is that God will show up.

It is awesome to know that the Dominican is exactly where God wants me this summer. He confirmed it over and over. Thank you for this blessing Lord.

Please be praying.

Pray that God will continue to unite our team.

Pray for protection.

Pray that God's will be done.

Just pray whenever you think of this trip please.

I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me. I know it's going to rock my world.

4.

2010-06-07T11:23:00.000-07:00

Following is a poem written by Brad Curry, the pastor of the church I am going to the Dominican Republic. He is a self-proclaimed non poet yet God used his words to speak directly to my heart and I am sure the hearts of others. Sometimes, God just wants us to pick up the paintbrush and and start painting. He wants us to try things out on our own. So however painting looks for you, do it! Pick up the brush and start something new. Let us be a generation that does not spend life on the couch or in bed. Let us wake up to the goodness and glorious God has planned for us.

Awaken
Sitting in Starbucks with my coffee, my books I never get to reading, my laptop,
and a stiff…
brown…
napkin for blowing my nose… because I am going to cry.
It’s what happens.
You meet me here…
You make me hear…
You make me tear… up.
Upward into You.
Further up and further in as St. Jack said. I seek you. I need you.
How have I slumbered for so long? Were you here the whole time, watching me sleep?
Did you make subtle noises to stir me in my slumber?
Clear your throat?
How long have you watched the rhythmic breathing in and out, in and out, chest up and down?
Alive but not awake. Movement, but no action.

But that doesn’t matter now, I am awake now. What shall we do?
Quick, get me out of this bed before I fall back asleep.
Because already excuses for why I deserve to sleep longer
…and why it would be better to tackle this after some more rest are creeping into my mind like a black inked letter from Cory.
But that will never do.
You have called me in this moment.
Either to action, or to dance with you. Perhaps you wanted to cuddle, and nobody wants to cuddle with someone who is asleep. It makes your arm fall asleep… And Your arms can’t do that.
And so you wait for me to get out of bed. You tell me of how great the day is going to be.
You open the blinds and let the light in, but my eyes are not yet ready so I ask you to close them.
You open the window to let the fresh air in and you turn to me to invite me into the day, into yourself.
And so you wait for me, as I slide back into slumber. You come next to me and hold me, hoping that I will see that my pillow and blanket are nothing compared to the comfort You bring.

I am asleep again.
You pull your arm from under my pillow, which was under my head. You let me sleep, again. Because you know I will be grumpy if you awaken me.
Could I not tarry? Do we all fall asleep on You in your hour of need? How often am I asleep in my hour of need? In Your hour of provision?
Stupid snooze button has made me late again.
Yet, at least I am awake to realize it…
You say “Good Morning”
and I use my napkin again.

-Brad Curry

Antlers.

2010-06-03T10:28:00.000-07:00

Finally they made the sacred medallion-the badge of holiness-of pure gold. They engraved it like a seal with these words: HOLY TO THE LORD

Exodus 39:30

This medallion was worn on the High Priest's forehead when he entered into the Lord's presence. The priest wore this medallion so that God would accept His people despite of their failures, sins, and mishaps. Before the death of Jesus, God's presence could only be found at the Temple, where only a priest could approach the Holy of Holies. Now we do not need a temple because God dwells inside of us. We now bear the badge of holiness.

Across our foreheads read HOLY TO THE LORD.

He loves us, forgives us, and claims us as His own.

We are holy and precious to the Lord, our Creator.

I had a dream the other night of a buck deer chasing and killing animals that were not deer yet wore antlers and said they were.

God revealed to me that the deer represented death to those who claim they believe yet do not live the life of a disciple. A rabbit cannot wear antlers and claim he's a deer. It is obvious from what he does that he is not a deer. There are so many people, myself included, who claim to be following Jesus, yet it is blatantly obvious from what they say, what they do, how they treat others that they are not.

We bear God's holiness, yet are we living a holy and blameless life?

I wish I could sear HOLY TO THE LORD on my forehead so that I will always be reminded of why I am living this life. I do not want to forget who I belong to.

Lord, help us bear you image and your holiness. May we live a life that proudly proclaims our holiness to you.

May we not be rabbits wearing antlers.

3.

2010-05-31T08:48:00.000-07:00

In the darkest of nights,
The city of lights
Will pour unto us.
Creeping inside
Through our sleepy eyes,
Contagiously bright

Like sunlight and rain
Flooding through the veins
Of wilted vines.

But love travels like a rumor here,
Losing form with every ear,
A skeleton of something more.

But waking seems an awful dream.

We'll be waiting for the night,
Waiting for the night
To come and rescue us,
Feet off the ground.

Beaides, we're living in this house of cards
That pulls and pushes with the air.
Fearing a feather to the earth
Could destroy it and us,
Inside unaware!

All we want is something more
To dream about and to adore.
All we need is a little place
To close our eyes, to end this chase.
The living are moving,
Gracefully
And painfully rushing ahead,
While unraveling the most essential thread
Of the fabric that covers us.

We'll be waiting for the night,
Waiting for the night
To always come and rescue us,
Feet off the ground,
Our hearts become magnetized.

The warmth of the sun
Is melting the snowflakes
Before they hit the ground

"Skeleton of Something More" -Sleeping at Last

Listening to this song made me tear up as it become evident how God's love is so distorted, so unknown to this earth.

Lord please help us to be bold enough to spread Your love, to share it with everyone regardless of who they are, what they have done, or what they believe.

We were all sinners once.

.בטח

2010-05-30T22:03:00.000-07:00

So the theme for this season of my life is trust.

Trusting God with my life, trusting that He is near, trusting others with my heart.

So many aspects of trust that I think I am going to go nuts trying to figure this all out.

I seem to trust God with some things but if I don't trust Him with everything then I do not really trust Him.

I need so much help. But the beautiful thing is, I have a Father that will never grow tired of helping me. No matter how many times I cry out, how many waves come my way, how many walls I have to climb, my Abba will be right there, never, ever, leaving my side.

I seem to forget that even though I may not physically feel His presence, He's still there.

I do not need to fill anything in order to be filled with the Hold Spirit.

It comes back to trust. Trust that God is filling me and will use me in accordance to His will.

Trust.

I am a person that needs reassurance and it is so hard to trust God when I do not feel His presence.

But, I have to trust, I must trust.

I have to trust.

Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart.

Proverbs 3:5

2.

2010-05-28T18:27:00.001-07:00

I just want to dance with Jesus.

1.

2010-05-25T09:33:00.000-07:00

If we have received the Spirit of God, He will squeeze right through our lives, as if to ask, "Now where do I come into this relationship, this vacation you have planned, or these new books you want to read?" And He always presses the point until we learn to make Him our first consideration. Whenever we put other things first, there is confusion.

-Oswald Chambers in "My Outmost for His Highest"

Rubbish.

2010-05-19T09:13:00.000-07:00

Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him.

Philippians 3:8-9

In Greek, the word for garbage is

σκυβαλον (skybalon): anything worthless or detestable, as in excrement of animals, therefore poop.

Everything else is poop compared to the value of becoming one with Christ.

Everything else is poop compared to God and His love!

Why do we give value to things that are obviously worthless?

Jesus has called us to RUN not walk along the path he has laid out for us. The race is meant to be ran at a constant pace, not at spontaneous bursts, which I have been doing for the past couple weeks.

The questions is, why do I stop? What is so good that it causes me to pause during my race?

Answer: NOTHING!

Nothing is better, nothing is worthwhile, nothing.

The goal is so good, so beautiful, yet we stop to tie our shoes, smell the flowers, lie down.

Why do we stop to look at the poop on the side of the road?

It' s poop! It smells, it's worthless, it cannot do anything for you besides sit there.

Yet for some reason, we give value to waste.

Jesus show us how beautiful and loving and incredible you are!

I don't want to keep giving value to poop.

Everything else is worthless compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus our Lord.

What poop are we still holding on to?

Let's let go of our poop and start living in the light.

Be holy because you are holy.

Prayer (Remixed).

2010-05-13T17:37:00.000-07:00

I ask you God to give me complete knowledge of your will and to give me spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way I live will always honor and please you Lord, and my life will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, I will grow to know you Lord better and better. I also pray that I will be strengthened will all your glorious power so that I will have all the endurance and patience I need. May I always be filled with joy, thanking you Father. You have enabled me to share in the inheritance that belongs to your people, who live in the light. For you have rescued me from the kingdom of darkness and transferred me into the Kingdom of your dear Son, who purchased my freedom and forgave my sins.

Colossians 1:9-12 (NLT with a personal twist)

Prayer.

2010-05-12T10:43:00.000-07:00

Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven't stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works. We pray that you'll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.

God rescued us from dead-end alleys and dark dungeons. He's set us up in the kingdom of the Son he loves so much, the Son who got us out of the pit we were in, got rid of the sins we were doomed to keep repeating

Colossians 1:9-12 (The Message)

65.

2010-05-08T10:58:00.000-07:00

65 years ago, May 8, 1945, Germany surrendered and ended the war the Europe.

If you see one, thank a WWII vet.

Privileged(?).

2010-05-07T18:35:00.000-07:00

By God's grace and mighty power, I have been given the privilege of serving him by spreading this Good News.

Ephesians 3:7

In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul states that he considers serving a privilege,

A privilege to serve others and above all else, serving the Lord.

Reading this verse with my LifeGroup the other night stirred up some questions in my heart.

Q: How do I view serving others?

A: I like to serve those I love

Q: Do I see it as a gift or an obligation?

A: I see it as an obligation

Q: Do I serve because I want to please someone or because serving is a part of me?

A: Often times I serve to please.

Have you ever thought of serving as a privilege, a gift from God?

Honestly, I always served because Jesus did. But there's a difference, Jesus served spiritually, mentally, emotionally. I served physically. Doing it because I felt like I had too rather then I need to serve because I can't help it.

The world teaches us that an act of service allows us to check off our good deed for the day, the week, the month....the year.

Helped an old lady with her groceries...check.

I'm covered until the next opportunity that comes my way.

We shouldn't have to wait for a service opportunity to come, we should be seeking out ways to serve our family, friends, roommates, neighbors. Anyone.

My prayer is that God will soften my heart to see what a true blessing serving is.

The joy that comes from doing the work of Jesus on earth.

Let's be the movement that brings joy back into service.

Joy in washing our brother or sister's feet.

Joy in taking on the lowest position.

Joy in placing others way before ourselves.

Joy in knowing that we are bringing Heaven to earth.

For the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and give His life as a ransom for many.

Mark 10:45

Are you willing to give your life up in order to serve others?

Let that be our prayer, Lord.

Lovesick.

2010-05-05T10:03:00.000-07:00

I was talking with my friend Tammy last night at LoveHOP and catching her up on what God was up to in my life. She told me that she went through a similar season and as she listened to me describe how much I long for God's presence, she told me that I sounded lovesick.

Lovesick: love, or missing the person one loves, so much that one is unable to act normally

This is a lovesickness.

I am lovesick for my Beloved.

As the deer longs for streams of water,

so I long for you, O God.

I thirst for God,

the living God.

When can I go and stand before him?

Day and night I have only tears for food,

while my enemies continually taunt me,

saying,"Where is this God of yours?"

My heart is breaking as I remember

how it used to be....

Why am I discouraged?

Why is my heart so sad?

I will put my hope in God!

I will praise him again-

My Savior and my God!

Psalm 42:1-5

This chapter came to mind as I sat and listened to my brothers and sisters raise their voices to their God. 3 guitars, a djembe, a violin, and countless voices combined to create the most beautiful music I have ever heard.

These verses capture exactly how I feel.

I thirst, I yearn, I long, for His presence.

It's a lovesickness....

Yet, in the absence of His presence, I am falling more in love with my Jesus.

Head over heels!

There is nothing more that I want than to be in His presence. This is where I belong.

My soul thirsts for You...

I am in the desert now, but I will wait for the rain.

I will root myself deep in your love as I wait.

I will wait.

Your love is enough.

I can now say that with complete honesty.

I feel like a lovestruck 3rd grader (yes, 3rd grader).

Take me deeper into your love.

Roots.

2010-05-03T16:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I was really frustrated with God.

I felt stuck, like I was not moving.

Just stuck.

I felt stagnant like I wasn't growing.

I have been in this season of silence for a while and it finally got the best of me last night. I have not gotten scripture in such a long time, I haven't felt the overwhelming presence of The Spirit, I haven't felt anything.

Just silence.

So what does silence mean? What am I supposed to be learning? Why won't you tell me?

Silence.

Tears flowed.

While Sara prayed for me Psalm 38:7 came. I was so frustrated that I refused to acknowledge that it was God telling me to read.

A raging fever burns within me. I am exhausted and completely crushed. My groans come from an anguished heart. You know what I long for Lord; you hear my every sigh. My heart beats wildly, my strength fails, and I am going blind. Psalm 38:7-10

That's how I feel.

Exhausted with frustration yet unable to be at peace.

Crushed by the lies that I keep believing.

God knows what I long for. He knows that I yearn to hear His voice again, to feel His presence, to feel His touch....

This morning I was laying in bed and a verse a friend shared with me came to mind. Jeremiah 17:7-8 speaks of those who have made God their hope and confidence as a tree that had grown in roots deep down into the water (another beautiful tree analogy).

I think that through this verse God gave me the answer for the silence.

I am tree, but I am not the tree in the verse, at least not yet. As I go through this season of silence and trust, my roots are growing. I am searching for God, searching as roots do for water and nutrients.

Before I could not see past the silence. Now, it has become clear. The silence is forcing me to go deeper, growing and pruning me into the Jeremiah tree. I am drawing closer to God because He is all that I can cling to right now. I am giving up all of me to Him. He deserves that and so much more.

The funny thing is, when I finished my quiet time, I had texts from two different people saying they were praying for me this morning. God's time is brilliant.

I am excited to see the outcome of this season. I know that I will emerge stronger and more confident in God and in myself.

I do not like to be inactive and being okay with silence is something I am still working on.

His trust is free. You just have to give up everything to get it.

40.

2010-05-03T10:46:00.000-07:00

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord.

Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord,
who have no confidence in the proud
or in those who worship idols.
O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.
Your plans for us are too numerous to list.
You have no equal.
If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,
I would never come to the end of them.

Usually.

2010-04-24T09:52:00.000-07:00

Usually I post about an average of 1.5 blogs a week.

My last post was on the 15th, almost 10 days ago.

Usually my journal is full of stuff God has been showing me and teaching me.

On April 22, the only interesting thing to document was that I had a dream I was a polar bear.

Usually I have the words to tell others what God has been doing.

Now it seems that God has taken those words.

It feels odd.

Now that I have figured out what is "wrong" with me, it's time to see what God is teaching me.

Not to say that God is not speaking to me.

I just do not seem to have to words to tell others what He has been saying.

Maybe I am not supposed to?

I really do not know.

I guess it is time for another lesson.

Jesus says "Do no worry, I will give you the words when the time is right."

Perhaps it's not the right time.

Please pray for revelation for me friends.

I am so blessed by my family, friends old-old, new-old, and new-new.

Thank you Jesus.

It's funny, Sara was blogging while I was writing this and we both decided to finish and pray.

So...time to pray.

Have a fantastical day,

Love,

Emma J. Pidgeon

Images.

2010-04-15T18:31:00.000-07:00

For some odd reason, the theme of God's love has not just been following me around these past weeks; it seems almost everyone has been experiencing this love that just does not make sense.

Last night was no different as I was overwhelmed with images and ideas of God's love.

First came visions of rebirth and new life.

a chicken hatching

a flower blooming from a seed

a caterpillar becoming a butterfly

God's love gives birth to a new life, a vibrant life full of adventure. In Him, we have become new creations, able to live, breathe, and move inside this love.

The next picture was a man making a doll. This doll was beautiful and different from any other doll he had made. Every stitch was made with love and intention. This process brought creator and creator closer, it was a intimate process.

A beautiful process.

Sometimes, the maker decides to change a stitch here or there. Sometimes it hurts when the stitches are pulled out, but after that has passed, the doll is more beautiful then it was before.

Next was the feeling of being completely overwhelmed by God's love.

Your love is a TIDAL WAVE oh God.....

knocking down everything in it's path and raising them up stronger

stronger

stronger

then before.

As I continued to just sit and be overwhelmed in this love I felt Jesus reach inside and grab my heart.

He held it.

My heart radiated from the glory and power that emitted from Jesus's hand alone.

Then He gave it back.

He had touched my heart and gave it back so that it would alway be with me.

The gift of His touch.

That should be enough. His touch alone.

I'm not just holding your hand, I'm holding your heart as well.

I realized that for me His touch was not enough. I was more excited to hug James Marsden then I was to feel the touch of my Jesus on my heart.

No more.

You touch, your touch alone is enough.

Thank you for showing us such beautiful images of your love. Please continue to show us how much you love your people.

Open our eyes to see this love all around us.

Dandelions.

2010-04-08T16:32:00.000-07:00

For the past 4 weeks my Wednesday nights have consisted of awesome worship and prophetic prayer at Vanguard University. Last night however, took on a little different form. From the time I arrived home from school at 2pm I was working on homework (of course taking needed breaks in between). By 8:00 I was mentally exhausted. I laid down on the couch and felt instantly relaxed, I did not want to lose this feeling of complete tranquility. I felt God calling me to be alone with Him.

To be alone in His love.

To be in His love.

So I did.

I lit some candles, which shouldn't have been as much as a struggle as it was, and started my date my God. As I was laying on my bed God's presence was so heavy that I felt as if I had a blanket on me. It was so warm and comforting, as a blanket is on a chilly day.

Little lamb, Jeremiah 29:11

We are so blessed to have a God that desires for us to prosper, that looks down on us and knows what the plans for each of us are. Thank you God for being so interested in my life, for letting me know that you are holding me in your arms as a shepherd holds a tiny lamb.

That is incredibly comforting.

As I continued to simply be in His love the word dandelion popped in my head...twice. I thought that a bit odd.

Why dandelions God?

Time passed and then God gave me a verse that I had always feared.

I think that is why I avoid being alone with God because He will show me something that I do not want to see or know.

Basically I am afraid.

I Corinthians 7:8....

So I say to those who aren't married and to widows-it's better to stay unmarried, just as I am....

Wait.

WHAT?

Ummm, Hello....I think we have a bad connection here God....

Did You just tell me that I am going to remain single forever?

No. Please no. NO!

That is a hard pill to swallow....the prospect of being single...forever.

I do not want it. I reallyyyyy don't want it and it would be hard to accept if that was God's choice but if He wants it, then what else can be done?

Basically, that threw me for a loop. As I sat in my room, trying to figure out what just happened, a calm washes over me.

This could just have been me trying to alleviate my shock but I started to feel that a life of singleness is not my fate, that God may have been showing me how much He loves me, how jealous He is for my love.

That He will not share me with anyone unless that person is perfect, until that person is perfect for me.

Until I am perfect for him.

Regardless of my future, seeking God will still be my number one priority. Being single allows this without distractions but then marriage enhances God also.....

So what is it?

I have no clue.

To close out the night God affirmed that He is in control and that I need to stop trying to take the wheel from Him.

I know your future little lamb, play with the dandelions and let me worry about it.

Or maybe I'm just going to be single for the rest of my life....

It is hard to play with dandelions when you just want to know what is going to happen at the end of the day.

But I trust you God. You have plans to prosper me, not to harm me.

Thank you.

Fashionable.

2010-04-05T21:04:00.001-07:00

As I'm watching "All Quiet on the Western Front" it becomes obvious that whoever designed the German WWI uniforms definitely had a sense of style.

Practical?

No.

Stylish?

Why yes.

Soldier.

2010-04-04T15:24:00.000-07:00

He took my hand and gently kissed it.

My Beloved.....

He was so handsome with his dark hair parted, slicked back and dressed in his uniform.

He had just returned home from the Second World War.

After he kissed my hand, he pulled me away and we ran, danced, jumped for joy because he had returned home safely.

Conquered.

My white dress flowing behind me....

God gave me this vision on Good Friday while we were worshiping at Liz Pham's house. It was as if I was watching a vintage film, sepia and film grain, with scenes of this love story flashing in my mind. A beautiful image with so many aspects and meaning to it.

My soldier had returned. He had conquered death and came back for me. Jesus is our soldier who went to battle for us. He took on our burdens and fought our fight. Oh, that is love. The Easter story is one mixed with deep sorrow followed with overwhelming joy. Yes, He died and suffered greatly and we thank Him so deeply for that. But knowing that He did not remain in the grave is enough to make me dance and sing, full of so much joy!

There's a reason why this man in my vision was a WWII soldier. I am a big history nut and I absolutely love the WWII era. I think God was just showing me how much He knows me. He created me and knows me so deeply, and loves me for who He created me to be. He knows my passion for history and wanted to show me how much He knows me. And I must say that he was a good looking soldier. Ooolala...Thank you God, I feel so romanced.

On this Easter Sunday may you experience the love of our conquering soldier, who fought death to bring his bride together. Dance, sing, laugh, cry, celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior!

Though you once were far away from God, now you have been brought near to him because of the blood of Christ.

Ephesians 2:13

Thank you Jesus, that is the only word I am left with. Your love, oh your love is something that can never be understood. This love that is so loud, that led you to die a terrible death for our sins. Oh thank you Jesus. Every time I see a picture of your love it brings me to tears. I am so blown away that someone could love regardless of any condition. But then again, you are not human. Your love is divine and beautiful.

Thank you....

...and can I just say that this earthquake was an awesome way to remind us how BIG you are. The ground shook when the curtain was torn and it shook again on that Sunday morning so long ago.

Amen.

AMEN!

Shake up this love.

Thank you for fighting the fight for us. For the joy we experience for our Lord has risen.

Everyday remind us of this love, of this joy and hope we claim as our own.

Happy Easter family and friends.

He IS risen.

Silenced.

2010-04-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

Last night during Vanguard's Shine worship service, The Passion was playing in the background. No noise. Just the images.

There was a point in the night when the room went completely silent.

No music. No noise.

Silence.

During this time I felt God saying "Do you see how loud my love is?"

It silenced an entire room of college kids.

Complete silence.

I experienced the overwhelming power of God's love Tuesday night at LoveHop. I saw how God saw me through His eyes, how much He loves me, how much he truly adores me. That love brought me to tears. It is amazing to think that we will never be able to understand His love. Just when I get comfortable with how He loves, God blows my mind and takes me deeper. Takes me deep into His heart, deeper into that loud love that is so undeniable.

How can a love that is so loud be unheard around the world?

How can someone ignore it?

Open your ears and eyes!

See what our Creator endured to make us whole, to restore, renew, revive us.

I think the world does not understand because it is a love they do not know. Worldly love is red hearts, stale hugs and kisses, interspersed with meaningless "passion."

Superficial.

Jesus' love is so far from that.

It is self-sacrificial.

Agape.

Love that endured so much, so much pain. Love that was forsaken for the hope of forsaken.

αγάπη

This is not the love of the world.

This Easter, please do not hear the story again.

Research the crucifixion. Discover how much the Son of God suffered.

Be broken, ruined

Woe is me for I am ruined....

by what happened on the cross.

The cross where my Creator hung to save a wretch like me.

The cross is not something to just wear around your neck or tattoo on your body. Wearing one does not lock in your salvation. If I see one around your neck or inked onto your arm, I will assume that you know, you understand, you truly get what that cross means. How does it feel to carry that burden? Is it as heavy as the one Jesus carried to his death?

Look at the cross. Does it look different now?

I admit that I forget what the cross means.

Oh Jesus, I am sorry for all the times I forget your sacrifice, I forget what you did for me.

Open your eyes and see His bruised, bloodied, broken body.

Open your ears and hear the anguish, the pain He endured for you.

I beg you, please do not hear the story again.

Be silenced by the overwhelming, beautiful love of Jesus.

Experience how loud His love is.

Be silenced.

Us.

2010-03-30T17:26:00.000-07:00

"I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. I pray that they will be one, just as you and I are one."

John 17:20-21

Reading this verse this morning blew my mind.

Jesus, our Jesus, one the eve of his death, took time to pray for his disciples, that they would be united as He and The Father are united.

He also prayed for the believers that would come in the future.

Hey, that's me....

That's you too....

That's us!

2000 years ago in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus prayed for the future believers.

Jesus was interceding for us the night He was arrested. The night He sweated blood, when He felt so alone, Jesus was praying that you and I would be united in the same way The Father and Son are one.

If that doesn't trip you out...then I don't know what will.

What a loving God we serve.

Jesus loved us, His church, so deeply that He prayed we would be one, united, one body.

What other gods pray for their worshipers?

Jesus was praying for His church the night he was betrayed, arrested, mocked, crucified.

That is love.

Recognition.

2010-03-25T15:13:00.000-07:00

Most people by now are familiar with The 700 Club's Pat Roberston's comment on the Haitian earthquake. On broadcasting television this man, a believer in God, said that the earthquake happened because the Haitians made a pact with devil.

.......really?

That rips my heart apart.

Whether true or not, shouldn't we be focusing on helping our brothers and sisters instead on condemning them for may or may not have occurred? I guarantee you this, not all Haitians made a pact with the devil. Many love Jesus more then anything and have continued praising him despite the atrocity that has occurred.

(amen)

Someone in my Modern Europe class brought this up the other day. I was torn between crying my eyes out and standing up and shouting "NOT ALL CHRISTIANS ARE LIKE THAT MAN!"

Instead, I remained silent.

But the truth is, it's people like Mr. Robertson that the world see as Christians.

Why can't the normal people, the ones that live day by day, be seen?

I am just like you! I laugh, I cry, I sing, I dance, I enjoy poop jokes, I am just like you, but I have Jesus.

I don't have it all together and I will openly and gladly tell you that I don't.

I am flawed. I am certainly not perfect.

I am a real, down to earth human being who loves Jesus.

I wish the world could see my family and friends. We have fun! We laugh, we joke, we cry together,we listen to normal music, we are just like you and your friends.

Christians can have fun! We go ice blocking, TP houses, dress up in crazy outfits and go ice skating, hang out and talk about everyday, normal things.

It is a mystery to me why Christians pretend to have it together. Why they work so hard to make the outside look pretty when it is the inside that is in disrepair.

If you have been hurt by a "perfect" Christian....I'm sorry.

IIf someone told you that God doesn't love you because of your past sins, failures, and mess ups, that's a downright lie.

He does.

Oh, how He LOVES.

He loves you so much.

He also loves Pat Robertson wrong as He is.

But that's the beautiful thing about the God I serve and love: regardless of my, yours, his, hers, past, He wants us, He loves us.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only son, that whoever shall believe in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.

John 3:16-17

For God so loved the world......

Amen.

Mustache March.

2010-03-24T11:33:00.000-07:00

Happy Mustache March everyone.

Girls can play too.

the madness continues...

so happy the roomies have caught the mustache obsession bug.

Mustaches.

2010-03-23T14:54:00.000-07:00

I blame my Civil War class for my new found obsession with mustaches. So I thought I would share my historical favorites with all of you.

General Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain...

my new favorite historical character

Colonel who held of attacking

Confederate troops at Gettysburg

Mark Twain:

Father of childhood miscreants

Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn

Lord Kitchner:

British version of Uncle Sam

Union General Ambrose Burnside:

inventor of the sideburns

Salvador Dali:

bit of a nut but sick stache

Kaiser Wilhelm II:

awesome stahce, even better hat

Adolf Hitler:

I had to.

Probably the most recognizable

stache of all time

There's more but I won't bore you any longer.

But, bring back the STACHE!

Free.

2010-03-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
And I will sing again

You are so good to me
You heal my broken heart
You are my Father in Heaven

You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song

You ride upon the clouds
You lead me to the truth
You are the Spirit inside me

You are my strong melody, yeah
You are my dancing rhythm
You are my perfect rhyme
And I will sing of You forever

You poured out all Your blood
You died upon the cross
You are my Jesus who loves me

You are my Father in Heaven
You are the Spirit inside me
You are my Jesus who loves me

-Third Day

Yesterday at church there was so much freedom. The worship was so clearly anointed and the music was absolutely beautiful. While singing this song, my friend Michelle and I couldn't help but dance. Dance because the joy inside of us could not be contained.

Dance because we serve a God who delights in the flowers, the trees, us.

As we were dancing and jumping before our Jesus, I got an image of Michelle and I dressed in white and dancing down an aisle.

Brides.

The bride dancing for joy in the presence of her groom, in the presence of Jesus.

I told Michelle this and she told me that she got an image of us in white dancing in a field of green and flowers.

What a beautiful image.

Beautiful and free.

Amen.

Learning.

2010-03-20T17:01:00.000-07:00

Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth.

Psalm 86:11

Teach me...

Teach is an interesting word because it implies a process. It is not just one class and then it's over; it is a constant and daily lesson. Some people (often times, me), often get stuck in thinking that we should learn everything at once and then we're good to go.

Wrong.

It is a process. There will always be more to learn. God will always have something else to show you.

There's periods of teachings and then times for application. Sometimes they overlap and sometimes the lessons are a bit spaced out.

We have to be given the instructions before we can complete the task. If you are like me then you ignore the directions and dive right in because you want to do it yourself and show everyone else that you can do it yourself. So you try to finish the project only to realize that what you have been doing was okay but not as good as it could have been if only you had followed the directions. The beautiful thing is that God will take or so-so project and make it amazing.

However it is for you, we cannot fall into the trap or trying to run before we can walk, or trying to do calculus if we have not mastered geometry. We have to learn the basics first.

And that's hard for me because I want to do it all. I do not want to learn.

But, no grabbing.

Wait.

Learn.

Be taught by the best Rabbi you could ask for.

Disclaimer: All of my rambles are not things I think we should be doing or things that we are doing wrong. Everything I post is something God has shown me or taught me and I want to share them with you with the chance that perhaps you made need to hear something God has shared and taught me. Loves.

Perhaps.

2010-03-15T20:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Future Husband,

I cannot wait to join your story. I am so excited for your story to become mine and for mine to become yours.

For our stories to be the same.

Is it silly how excited I get when I think of you?

I hope you don't think I am weird....but actually, you'll love my weirdness.

I often wonder if I've met you. Have we shaken hands at church or passed each other during community time?

Or perhaps we've never seen each other. I wonder if I'll know, if you'll know, if God will reveal his plan, right when we meet.

Or maybe we'll be really good friends for a while and then God will open our eyes.

There's just so many stories you hear, so I often wonder how it will be for us.

Oh Beloved, I want you now.

But I will wait. I will wait because it is going to be so good.

I am saving myself for you. Perhaps you are not a virgin, but I will still and always love you. Regardless of pass sins, past failures, past mistakes, God made me for you and you for me.

I think I'll know you when I see you.

Love your friend, bride, and wife,

Emma

Knotted.

2010-03-14T22:50:00.001-07:00

While sitting near my dear friend Sarah Chilberg tonight, I got an image of our two spirits completely knotted tightly together. Through that vision came the following streams of thought:

(I apologize if this sounds abstract or does not make sense)

The knot creates a bond that cannot be broken.

It can be pulled. It can be loosened.

But it will not break because God is holding it together.

If someone spiritually close to you begins to fall away, the tension between the two spirits will increase. Because the distance between the two spirits is growing, physical stress will be felt.

The tugging will alert you that the person is struggling.

Because your spirit and mine are so intimate whatever you feel, I feel as well.

When you rejoice, my spirit leaps with joy because I feel the happiness.

When you weep, I cry as well because I feel your pain.

When we leave each other's sight, it should physically hurt because we are pulling our spirits apart until the time we unite once again.

That's community.

To be surrounded by people that laugh, cry, sing, rejoice along with you.

To know when someone is struggling because you feel the tugging on your own spirit.

To be so spiritually close to someone that it actually hurts to leave their sight.

To be knotted together.

That's community and it is all belongs to the Holy Spirit.

Thank God for allowing us to experience you in such wonderful ways. Thank you that through your Spirit we can become united as we diver deeper into who You are. May we continue to tighten the knots between our spirits.

Unity.

Indescribable.

2010-03-13T13:38:00.000-08:00

Grand Canyon: 6 am

The most beautiful thing I've seen is watching the sun rise over the Grand Canyon.

Watching the blacks and grays gradually become reds, oranges, browns, pinks, and purples.

Truly indescribable.

I want to be there now.

Grabbing.

2010-03-12T16:03:00.001-08:00

When we are young we are taught not to grab.

"Don't grab ______. I'll give it to you. Just be patient."

I feel like God has been reminding me of this childhood lesson. Lately I have caught myself trying to grab different things. Instead of waiting for God on his own time, I try to do it myself. The most recent lesson God has taught me is not to grab for relationships.

Stop grabbing Emma. I will provide for you. Don't you trust me?

So the question is, why do we grab?

I was pondering this today and there a couple answers to this question.

1. We are impatient.

We get tired of waiting around for God to show up so we try to do things ourselves.

2. We like to be in control.

We grab because we can control that. Instead of allowing God to control the situation, we try to take things into our own hands. Failing miserably of course.

3. We don't trust God will provide.

When we grab we are telling God that we are not trusting in Him to provide for us. We do not believe that He will come through so we grab at the first thing that comes around.

So back to the relationship aspect....

It's not like a bunch of men have lined up. More like none.

That was supposed to sound humorous not self pitying.

But there are godly and attractive men that have passed by.

Good job God!

So instead of me trying to make things work (a.k.a. "grabbing"), I will wait on God.

I will trust that when the right man comes around, everything will fall into place. Not grabbing will make this future relationship even more special because I waited.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

While I wait, which I really do not like to do, I will pray for this man and for myself. I will work on becoming the perfect woman for my husband.

I will not grab. I will not grab. I will not grab.

I will wait.

I will wait and I will pray.

Beards.

2010-03-10T08:24:00.000-08:00

I'm just going to through this out there....

The disciples of Jesus Christ were most likely our age.

Yeah, Peter was probably a young 20 year old.

12 men. 12 young men.

12 young men that changed the course of history forever.

Where did we get this idea that the disciples were in their mid 40s and rocked huge gnarly beards?

The same people that decided Jesus was a blonde haired, blue eyed, Swedish man probably decided that the disciples more resembled burly lumberjacks then young boyish faced men.

The disciples, Jesus's chosen ones, were my age, your age?

Doesn't that just trip you out?

You may be wondering "How do you know the disciples were like us?"

Well, I shall tell you....from the age of 4 Jewish boys were taught to memorize the entire Torah, that's Genesis up to Numbers. If they were good enough, they went on to memorize the entire Old Testament! That's 39 books all together.

Then if they were good enough, and the kids are around 14 to 18, they could apply to become a disciple with a rabbi of their choice. If they were the best of the best, the rabbi would allow them to follow him. If not, these young teenage boys would be told to go back home and pursue the family trade. That's why Jesus finds Peter, Andrew, James, and John on the seashore. They didn't make the cut.

The disciples were also the "notgoodenoughs." They weren't considered the best of the best. If they were the best, Jesus would not have found them fishing on the shores of Galilee. Nevertheless, Jesus sought them out.

He called them.

Hey, Peter...I believe in you. I believe that you can do what I do. I have faith that you can be like me. Come, and I will show you how to fish for men.

And the crazy thing was....they dropped their nets and followed him.

Someone had believed that they were good enough.

But Jesus believed there were.

Paul says "Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you teach, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

So you may not be an all-star, and you may not have a awesome beard, (unless you're Tyler Greer), but Jesus, our Savior and our Lover and our Encourager, believes you can be like him. He would not have given us the Great Commission if He didn't believe that were capable of spreading his message.

God believes in you.

He believes in me.

He believes in us.

But do you believe Him?

You don't need a beard to follow Jesus.

When He calls......follow.

12 young men changed the course of history.

I'll leave you with that.

Glory.

2010-03-09T16:20:00.000-08:00

Before the world was made
Before you spoke it to be
You were the King of Kings
Yeah you were, yeah you were
And now you're reigning still
Enthroned above all things
Angels and saints cry out
We join them as we sing

Glory to God
Glory to God
Glory to God forever

Creator God you gave
Me breath so i could praise
Your great and matchless name
All my days, all my days
So let my whole life be
A blazing offering
A life that shouts and sings
The greatness of our King

Take my life and let it be
All for you and for your glory
Take my life and let it be yours

-Fee.

Storytime.

2010-03-08T19:20:00.000-08:00

Following is my friend Vinnie's answer to the question "Who is God to you?"

I wanted to share this dear friends to show how powerful and great our God is.

Protector.

God is my protector. God is your protector. I say this with only twenty years of experience. God as a protector takes me back to a horrifying car accident I was involved in. Three friends and I walked away untouched from a near-totaled car. Just days earlier, one of those three friends mentioned to me that she thought God was a placebo, a drug for the masses. I thought nothing of it at the moment. The first thing we noticed as we stepped from the wreckage of the car was a surf shop on the side of the road. Chills were sent down my spine as I read the word PLACEBO painted in large, bold letters across the front of the shop. Looking back at the accident, it is hard to believe that my friends and I made it out in one piece. I can only look to God and believe that the accident happened at this particular spot for a reason - a question of faith to show that, in fact, He is no placebo. I look to God and thank Him for watching over and protecting the people I love.

Vinnie

It is amazing how God could take such a horrible accident and use it to His glory. They should have been hurt. They should not have walked away from the car.

But they did.

And God reminded them that He is not just a pill to subdue the masses.

He is alive. He lives.

He lives in me and He lives in you.

Accept Him into your life.

He wants you to know that He's there and He cares specifically for you.

He loves me and He loves you.

How great is our God!

Thank you for sharing with Project i44:5 Vinnie.

Wall.

2010-03-08T08:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was very hard.

I worked from 9 to 5 and I was doing good until 3:30.

I had hit a wall.

I was physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted. I had a huge headache and there was nothing I could do until I got home. By the time my shift was over, I was completely exhausted and I had to rush and get ready for church. My roomies were waiting for me (which was very nice of them to do) an i felt hurried to get ready. I was feeling okay, I thought I could keep it together for a couple hours. At least I could pretend to keep it together for a couple hours.

I didn't.

Being at church around happy people was the last thing I wanted. I just wanted to go home and sleep and end this day. The most frustrating thing about last night was that I didn't feel like myself at all. What made it worse was that people noticed. Sarah Chilberg told me that I wasn't my "usual joyful self" and wanted to cry. I think I did actually.

Why was I like this?

I got home and went to bed at 9. I had planned on watching the Oscar's with my friends and roommates but the LAST thing I wanted to do, which scared me a little because that's when I knew that this person I was wasn't me at all.

Went to bed and prayed that God would rejuvenate and renew me while I slept.

He did.

I woke up after 10 hours of sleeping completely refreshed. No headache, no brooding thundercloud over my head.

I woke up singing "Doxology."

I was Emma again.

I was me.

Thank you Jesus for turning me around. Thank you for being the reason I wake up in the morning, the reason I live.

The person I am normally is of the Kingdom of God. The person who showed up last night was of the world. How sad and miserable worldly people are. I have Jesus. That's a reason alone to be joyful. Yes, we are physical human beings. We tire, we fall.

But, even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31

Thank you for that promise Lord God.

Praise Him through whom all blessings flow!

Refusal.

2010-03-02T22:43:00.001-08:00

Launched.

2010-02-27T22:09:00.000-08:00

Project i44:5 is up and running.

Take a look and get involved!

If you are interested in learning more, please email projecti445@gmail.com.

I can't wait to see all the different words people will come up with!

Please pray friends.

I have no idea what's going to happen with this project but that's okay!

Please help in answering the question "Who is God to you?"

Project i44:5

2010-02-22T14:23:00.001-08:00

This is my God.

Who is He to you?

Isaiah 44:5 says "Some will proudly claim 'I belong to the Lord.' Others will say, 'I am a descendant of Jacob. Some will write the Lord's name on their hands and take the name of Israel as their own."

The goal of Project i44:5 is to seek answers to the question "Who is God to you?"

We will all have different answers based on how we've experienced God in the past and we are experiencing Him now. To me, God is a creator. I am constantly in awe of His beautiful creation and creativity in the world and people around me. I relate more to this word because He has gifted me with a creative personality and artistic mind.

I am so excited to dive deeper into this project God has given me and to see how my friends, family, and strangers experience Jesus. Soon there will be a blog with postings of different hands and different names of our God. I don't know the future of this idea yet but all I know is that God has called me with asking "Who am I to you?"

Stay tuned for updates and future happenings.

Please pray for Project i44:5 and that God will be glorified through all of this.

Breakfast.

2010-02-20T00:05:00.001-08:00

Before.

After.

Beloved.

2010-02-15T14:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Future Husband,

I couldn't stop thinking about you yesterday, Valentine's Day. You know, that special day we'll share that I promise not to make a big deal about. Just get me a box of See's candies and I'll be fine, truly. Well, I do have a list of songs that I want you to sing to me, but that's not asking too much is it? So hopefully, you know how to play the guitar or maybe you're learning right now. I got really excited thinking about the days we'll spend together, the adventures we will have. Who knows where God will takes us? I think that is what makes me the most excited when I think about you: knowing that you are a gift from God. Knowing that He planned this out, that we would become one. Knowing that the love God has for us will become physical and tangible.

I am so excited! It won't be easy, I know. I will try really hard to not control everything. I apologize if I ever get upset for things not going my way. I'm working on it now and it's been hard but I'm doing my best.

I apologize if I ever get jealous.

I will try not to be too needy or clingy or annoying.

I'm sorry for forcing you to watch a girly movie with me, but thanks for being such a good sport about it.

I'm sorry for forcing you to eat healthy. I enjoy a big juicy burger as well, but good habits now are good habits later.

I apologize for my overactive tear glands. I cry when I'm happy, sad, or frustrated.

I'm sorry for making you dance with me. I know that you're not that good at it but I enjoy it so much.

I'm sorry for always having to pee. I'll always have to go right before we leave and right when we get there....that's just the way it is.

But I want you to know that I will always support you and I will always love you because I know, I know, that you are my gift from our God.

I will go to your softball games, I will watch The Superbowl with you, I will go to your band's concerts, I will support you when you travel on missions trips, I won't nag about that one shirt that I don't like, I won't force you to take me anywhere you don't want to go, I will stay up until morning talking with you, I will go paintballing with you, I Will make you soup when you're sick, I will massage your neck and your back when you get home from work, I will do my best to cook for you, I will kiss you when you get home because I've missed being with you, I will encourage you in your walk with God, because....

I love you.

I will always love you.

Through the fights, the arguments, the frustration, I will always love you.

I am praying for you future husband, that God is raising you up even more as a leader and that you will challenge me in my walk as well. I hope you are praying for me also. Pray that God will grow me even more in my faith and that I will become an example of what a woman of God looks like.

I will wait for you Future Husband. Maybe we shall meet tomorrow, maybe in a year or two, or perhaps we have already met?

Beloved, I cannot wait for the day that we will become one, the journey that will begin once we say "I do." As long as God remains the center of our relationship, that's all that matters. Everything else will fall into place.
I cannot wait to spend my years with you.

Until then and forever afterwards,

Your wife, your bride, your friend,

Emma

Tears.

2010-02-12T11:46:00.000-08:00

You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 56:8

Last night at my discipleship group with Sarah Chilberg she had us read through chunks of David's psalms and to see David's heart in accordance to God's heart and God's heart through David's poems.
Psalm 6:8 hit me.
Hard.
Every tear I cried, every tear, God was there.
Every time?
Goodness.
God was close enough to catch my falling tears. Now that's unfailing love.
The things that make me sad, frustrated, or upset may not arouse the same emotions in you, but God doesn't see it that way. When I hurt, He hurts.
When you hurt, He hurts.
I've done a fair share of crying these past couple months and those tears may seem trivial to you or someone else but God was there each time I cried.
Every tear shed over sadness and every tear shed over complete joy...God was there through them all.
Wow. That's my Jesus!
Who do you serve?

Journey.

2010-02-09T15:23:00.000-08:00

God and I did a little bit of inventory the other morning. I was asking Him what things I needed.
I got to my walking shoes, which have been everywhere with me, and I asked "God, do I need these?"
Oh yeah, you'll need those.

So, Lent is coming up and in preperation for the 40 day fast, Bill asked us what journey we need to be preparing ourselves for.
That really settled on my heart: what journey do I need to be preparing for?
There may be an opportunity, hopefully, to serve in Haiti with The Garden rebuilding orphanages.
(If you read my last blog you'd see how ironic that is)
Thanks for the confirmation God.
If this is the journey I will be taking I want to be preparing myself for that.
I want to be comfortable being uncomfortable. That's what living in the thin space between the physical and spiritual world is all about: living uncomfortably.
It's hard.
It's definitely scary.
But as Bill said, we are spiritual beings living in the physical world.
That's pretty cool.
All that to say is, I have no idea what journey God will send me on this summer but one's thing's for sure, I'll be bringing my walking shoes!

Yellow.

2010-02-04T15:43:00.001-08:00

Today I saw 14 yellow cars.

17 if I include taxis.

Yesterday I saw 5.

On Monday I saw 4.

I've seen everything from a yellow Lexus to a yellow Mini Cooper.

There seriously cannot be that many yellow cars driving around Long Beach.

There just can't be.

Two Sundays ago, the same Sunday that God told me that I was safe in His arms, we were asked to ask God what He wants us to have. I instantly saw yellow things, culminating with a bunch of yellow cars. Following that image was the word patience.

Patience.

I don't like to wait. When I have an idea I want to do it now.

So why was the word patience paired with yellow cars? I decided to ask Brian and Amy, a couple at our church who God has gifted with insight into visions and dreams and the like. Amy told me that cars often mean ministry and yellow could range from slow, danger, or wait.

Hmmm...I had no idea what all this could mean so I told them that I would let them know if God reveals the meaning. That following Tuesday my lifegroup watched the Haiti video from Mark Driscoll and prayed for Haiti. While praying for the children I lost it, completely lost it. There was nothing more I wanted then to be in Haiti hugging and loving those precious orphans. It kills me to know that there is so much evil being done to those kids. Jesus protect them please!

At LoveHop I was still gathering my thoughts and emotions and talking out what I was feeling to my friend. I told her that it is so frustrating that God has me here when I want to be somewhere else.

It was like lightning as waves of thoughts poured into my mind.

God had revealed the meaning behind the yellow cars.

There will be a ministry opportunity for me to go to Haiti or somewhere else to love on children....

...but not now.

Not yet.

Patience. Be here.

As I see each yellow car pass I am reminded to be patient.

Not just to be patient for this new ministry but patience for everything.

Patience during school, at work, a new job, a relationship.

I've got it all in my hands, Emma.

Don't worry. Just be.

Oh, if only it was that easy. But I will be patient. I will wait for your provision.

Thank you God for your constant reminders.

Witnesses.

2010-02-03T10:10:00.000-08:00

On September 29, 2009, my lifegroup wrote down what they expected from this group, what they wanted to see God do, and what we felt God had in store for us. Last night Billy and I went through those 5 month old entries and were amazed to see how many things actually happened!
God is so faithful!
So the following is a list of what some crazy college kids wrote down 5 months ago and what God chose to do with this group:
-Water metaphors: that we would be dripping with God's love, leaving puddles of it everywhere we stepped, that God would flood Long Beach with his love
(confirmed at church and LoveHop and the floods we had a couple weeks ago)
-God would raise up spirit led leaders (which He has!)
-paying absolute detailed attention to the posture of our hearts pushing up the desire to serve
(God called our lifegroup to serve our church and serve we do)
-Jill, who I am convinced is an angel gave us the idea of our letter ministry. She also wrote that we would be a lifegroup that pushes our comfort zones, "community reminds us and renews us to spread his message," project outward. After that she disappeared....she's an angel, no doubt about it
-"To have our actions scream so loud that no one can hear us call ourselves Christians"
-tutoring and mentoring
(Michelle is involved with tutoring at CovPres church and Mady is heading up a mentoring program with Precious Lamb ministries)
-we would be a group that lives life together, not just Sundays and Tuesday nights
-we would be a group that serves the city, The Garden, orphans, homeless, widows, strangers, each other
(interesting, each group written down was a person we wrote a letter to!! CRAAAZY!)
-50 new faces (we're up to 43!)
-Spiritual gifts
-Experiences that will test us
-Chances to be vulnerable
-prophecy through art and spirit
-postured hearts to expect and receive
-no routine, no planning, completely spirit led
-prayer tour of the city
-taking back the city with acts of service
God is so good.
It was so awesome to witness his glory.
We have the evidence right in front of us!
Last night we journaled again. So in couple of months will we look back and praise God for everything He has done. It's funny how we don't notice what God is doing until we look back and reflect. So I pray that this time our eyes will be opened to see what He is doing at the moment he is doing it. Please keep our lifegroup in prayer and praise Him for all the blessings He has showered upon us!

Noise.

2010-02-01T09:29:00.000-08:00

"He died for everyone so that those who receive His new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them."
2 Corinthians 5:15
Don't waste the gift.
We were saved so that we could tell others of the grace and love that saved us, not to satisfy our own selfish desires.
Don't waste this precious gift.
Life on earth doesn't last very long. It is but a mist, a vapor.
poof! it's gone.
I wish I could say I've lived my life the way God wanted.
I'm trying. I am.
But can I try harder?
Can I close my eyes at night knowing I made a difference in the Kingdom of Heaven?
But the amazing thing is...
differences can be made through little acts of love. It doesn't have to be a public affair; it can be quiet. But, just because it's quiet doesn't mean to live a quiet life.
Nope.
Anything but quiet!
Live nosily.
A beautiful noise: a harp, a cello, the piano solo in Coldplay's "Clocks," a classic violin, rhythmic drums, the powerful electric guitar.
Maybe it's through your dancing, your brushstrokes, your Spirit inspired writings, your poetry, your hard working attitude, your finances.
God gave you the gifts in order to bring Him glory, not you. So don't make your life about you because it is not even yours to begin with.
It's His.
All of it is His.
Think of your favorite song. You know, the one that you love to listen to over and over again because you simply can't get enough of it.
Be that song to your Father. Not the droning of static, but the beautiful melody that rises up, straight up to Heaven.
Live in a beautiful way that is music to our Father's ears.

Haiti.

2010-01-25T22:34:00.000-08:00

Watch and pray:http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/special/32-hours-the-church-in-haiti
I feel like my heart is empty.
I have never felt this way before.

Completely broken and destitute.

My back ached, my arms and legs felt lifeless, and my chest....empty.
Those are our brothers and sisters suffering, dying in the streets and going hungry.
Oh, Jesus! What do we do and how can we help your children and your church in Haiti?
Prayer.
Pray.

It all comes down to how you live your life.
Day by day.
Hour by hour.
Minue by minute.
Second by second.
Are you living a Kingdom life?
Do you see devestation and instantly turn to God and pray?
Are you asked to give and do so generously and joyfully?
Do you eat your meals and truly thank God for His provision?
It's a lifestyle and it's not easy.
But Jesus never said it would be.

How can we usher in that joy these broken people feel? We are surrounded by so much stuff that I think prevents us from recieving the pure joy that only comes from suffering. I mean could you truly say "You give and take away and my heart will chose to say, Lord blessed be your name?"

I like to say that I could.

I like to say that would.

That video is just scratching the surface of the pain and suffering that is running rampant across Haiti.

So much evil and so much darkness....

They need Jesus!

If there hasn't been a more urgent call to bring people to Christ then I don't know what is.

This has been a huge wake up call for me on so many levels. I pray that it is for you too. Regardless of denomination, age, ethinicity, we make up the church. Let us join together and show the world that the body of Christ will not let this suffering continue.

Let us step up and break through.

Please pray for Haiti.
Pray that the church will come together and be stronger then ever.
Pray against the darkness that has such a strong hold on the country.
Pray that God will work miracles.
If you are interested in giving go to http://www.churcheshelpingchurches.com/
They will make sure that your money will go to supporting and restoring the church of Haiti.

Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.
Galations 6:10

Safe.

2010-01-25T08:46:00.000-08:00

I had a wonderful conversation with God last night.

He told me I needed to be patient, trust Him, love Him, and follow Him.

He called me beloved and told me to read Isaiah 51.

God plainly said to me "Emma, you are safe in my arms."

So I return to my seat at church and flip over to Isaiah, thinking it would be the chapter where God calls us his beloved.

It wasn't.

"And I have put my words in your mouth, and hidden you safely in my hand." Isaiah 51:16

I cried after reading that verse.

This morning while spending time with Jesus I read through John 9 and 10 and SURPRISE! there's a verse that correlates perfectly with what God showed me last night.

(Seriously, this Kingdom stuff is pretty awesome.)

John 10:29-30 says "No one can snatch them away from me, for my Father has given them to me, and He is more powerful that anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand. The Father and I are one."

I love God. I love how consistent He is when He wants you to understand something.
I, and you, are under the protection of the King of Kings, The Lord of Heaven's Armies.
He is our tower, our refuge, our rock, ever present at the sign of trouble.
Now that's a safe place.

White.

2010-01-23T12:34:00.001-08:00

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;

wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Oh, give me back by joy again;

you have broken me--

now let me rejoice.

Dont keep looking at my sins.

Remove the stain of my guilt.

Create in me a clean heart, O God.

renew a loyal spirit within me.

Do not banish me from your presence,

and don't take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation,

and make me willing to obey you.

Psalm 51:7-12

As I look out the windows from my family's mountain getaway, all I can see is white.

Every leaf, every rock, every roof is covered in snow.

Everything is covered and it is beautiful.

The same white and purity that snow gives to its surroundings is what God has offered us. His blood has washed away all the dirt, all the sin, all the shame and has made us as white and pure as snow.

His blood, His sacrifice, has freed us from our past of darkness and brought us into the blinding light that heals and restores.

We are pure.

Clothed in white and pure.

A Reminder.

2010-01-21T17:43:00.000-08:00

Psalm 131:

a song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem

a psalm of David

Lord, my heart is not proud;

my eyes are not haughty.

I don't concern myself with matters

too great or too awesome for me to grasp.

Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself

like a weaned child

who no longer cries for its mother's milk.

Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O, Israel, put your hope in the Lord--

now and always.

Restless.

2010-01-17T20:00:00.000-08:00

At work today I read in the newspaper that a grandmother shot and killed her two beautiful granddaughters and then their mother. I could barely hold back my tears as I felt my heart brake.
What kind of world do we live in?
The world needs Jesus and we need Him now.
I shamfully admit that I would ask God for more time.
God, can you wait until I get married?
I want a kids.
I want a family and a dog.
James says our lives are like the morning mist, gone in a second. We are not even promised the next second let alone tomorrow and here I am asking for the future.
Asking for seconds that may not be in God's plans for my life.
Asking for seconds instead of living in the seconds already given to me.
While reading that horrible headline of the paper this morning it clicked: The world needs Jesus and I, we, need to be praying with expectation and exciement for His coming.
Come back NOW Jesus so children will no longer will be murdered by their family members, left to starve, or forced to kill.
I do want to get married. I would love to have kids and a dog, but I would much rather have my Jesus come back and take us home instead.

And my soul is getting restless

For the place where I belong

I can't wait to join the angels and sing my heaven song

No more pain.
No more tears.
Only beauty, joy, and love.
That's what awaits us when the Son of God returns.

Pay close attention now:
I'm creating new heavens and a new earth.
All the earlier troubles, chaos, and pain
are things of the past, to be forgotten.
Look ahead with joy.
Anticipate what I'm creating:
I'll create Jerusalem as sheer joy,
create my people as pure delight.
I'll take joy in Jerusalem,
take delight in my people:
No more sounds of weeping in the city,
no cries of anguish;
No more babies dying in the cradle,
or old people who don't enjoy a full lifetime;
One-hundredth birthdays will be considered normal—
anything less will seem like a cheat.
They'll build houses
and move in.
They'll plant fields
and eat what they grow.
No more building a house
that some outsider takes over,
No more planting fields
that some enemy confiscates,
For my people will be as long-lived as trees,
my chosen ones will have satisfaction in their work.
They won't work and have nothing come of it,
they won't have children snatched out from under them.
For they themselves are plantings blessed by God,
with their children and grandchildren likewise God-blessed.
Before they call out, I'll answer.
Before they've finished speaking, I'll have heard.
Isaiah 65: 17-25

Wanted.

2010-01-11T23:29:00.000-08:00

We are wanted.
We are desired.
Desired by the Creator, the One who made the beautiful majestic mountains, the green grass, and the ladybug. God made us to love us. We were created to be loved and to love others in the same way.
I mean, do you get it?
An old definition of desire is "to feel the loss of...."
Did that click?
I mean, how do we use desire now?
Desire: to wish for.
Lame.
Come on guys! God, God the Heavenly being, the King of Kings, desires to know you. He feels the loss of you and me and He wants us to be with Him.
Jesus wants, desires, me.
You.
That's one thing other religions are missing: a God that desires to know them, loves the people who worships His name.
Can you just rest in the fact that you are undoubtedly loved, unconditionally loved?
Dearly beloved Jesus calls us.
We are children of the Most High and no matter how often we fail and fall, He still loves.
He is love.
Rest and know that you are loved my friends.
Loved by The Lord of Lords, The King of Kings, The Lion, The Lamb, The Creator, our Savior, our Jesus, our God.

Chara.

2010-01-08T09:47:00.000-08:00

While I was driving home to Long Beach from Riverside Sunday morning, I popped in the Passion CD and began listening to Chris Tomlin's "Holy is The Lord." I have heard this song countless times at church, at camp, and around my house, but this was different.
We stand and lift up our hands
for the joy of the Lord is our strength
The joy of the Lord....the joy of the Lord? Those simple lyrics that I have sung over and over finally came alive. It is the joy, this overwhelming feeling that comes from knowing how superbly blessed we are, that allows us to serve the way Jesus calls us to do. Joy is what it's all about, yet I think that not everyone understands what joy really is.
Most people will say joy is happiness. Well, I have a hard time believing that the joy of the Lord is simply happiness. Joy is something different.
It's powerful.
It is the feeling of strength,a rejoicing, that arrives in the face of suffering.
True joy falls from Heaven above.
I know our joys are the same in nature yet arise from different things we see, hear, or read.
I am sure that my joy looks differently then your joy, yet they are exactly the same.
But I do hope that your joy flows from Heaven and mine does.
However God chooses to fill you with joy, that should be your driving force. With the joy of the of the Lord as our strength what do we have to worry about?
Let the joy that's bubbling inside you wash away all feelings of doubt and fear.
God has been reminding me daily to be joyful since Sunday morning.
Sunday night: while we were praying before service, our worship band began playing "Holy is The Lord" and joy was the entire backbone to the passage, Matthew 5:38-42, we studied.
Monday: God gave me the passage John 16 during my quiet time and verse 22 says "So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy."
Tuesday: At LoveHop my friend Ryan walked in and his girlfriend Hartley went to meet him. While they were talking Ryan began playing "Holy is The Lord" on his guitar. I had previously told Hartley about what God was doing but she did not tell Ryan about it. Pretty cool.
Wednesday: After I told my friend Sarah Chilberg about my daily joy sightings, I asked to borrow her collective works of C.S. Lewis. First book included in this anthology was "Surprised By Joy." We both had a good laugh.
Thursday: Isaiah 60
verse 5: "Your eyes will shine, and your heart will thrill with joy."
verse 15:"I will make you beautiful forever, a joy to all generations"
Friday: "I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness. I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit or a bride with her jewels." Isaiah 61:10
As I am writing this "White as Snow" by Jon Forman is playing. One of the lines is "Restore in me the joy of your salvation."
These daily reminders have reinforced the power the joy of the Creator has. What is even better is that this joy dwells inside of us. God has been revealing more and more of his majesty and beauty to me in ways that I can't even imagine. Everday I fall more and more in love with my Savior.
Thank you Jesus.

14.

2009-12-20T10:24:00.000-08:00

When I was 14 years old the only things I had to worry about was getting good grades and making the water polo team.

When Mary was 14 years old she was told that she would give birth to the promised Messiah.

Mary was 14.

I was 14 once.

See the difference?

14?!

(schfourteen-teen)

I am 21 and I am just learning how to live with faith. Oh my goodness I am still shocked by the faith that young girl had. I want to meet her. Well, I will, but not soon enough. So I guess when people ask me who I could meet dead or alive I'd now say Mary the mother of Jesus instead of Hitler (long story), well maybe both of them. That would be an interesting conversation:

"Hitler, this is Mary the mother of Jesus. Mary, this is Hitler who killed millions of Jews just like you. Hope you two like spaghetti!"

Hmmm...maybe not.

But really, 14?

I love her response to the Gabriel, "I am the Lord's servant. May everything you have said about me come true." A 14 year old girl said that! I never realized how the beginnings of the Christmas story is all about faith: Joseph had to trust in the Lord that everything will be okay and Mary had to believe that through her the Savior will be born.

Just in the past week since I posted my last blog, God has already taught me so much about living by faith. I don't know how it happened, there wasn't a big EUREKA! or AH-HA! moment, it just simply clicked. Living by faith means truly trusting and believing everything God has said and promised in His word. Also, living by faith means practicing. If you don't practice your faith how will it grow? Just the same as building muscles. If you don't work out then we won't build up your strength (unless you're Tyler Greer).

Of course, practice doesn't make perfect. We will never always be right but Jesus never promised that. He just said believe. Ask God for the faith of the of the young 14 year girl or for the faith of the Jewish carpenter. He will answer but we have to really believe from in inmost of our beings, I mean from the deepest depths of our heart, spirit, and mind that God will answer.

What Faith.

2009-12-17T10:36:00.000-08:00

Imagine you are a 30 something old Jewish carpenter and the woman you are going to marry just told you that she is giving birth to a son.
Not your son.
The Son of God.
The Son of God that has been prophesied to redeem the people.
Would you believe?
At first, Joseph didn't. He was going to quietly divorce Mary until an angel told him that the baby she was carrying will save the people from their sins.
Really?
My fiancée was impregnated by the Holy Spirit? Okay God, I'll trust you on this.
I cannot believe the faith Joseph must have had to take Mary as his wife.
"Hey Joseph, the Hold Spirit has impregnated me and I'm going to give birth to God's son."
Sounds like an alien abduction or something crazy!
I mean, Joseph had to be told by God that was okay.
I feel like we're like that sometimes. Even though God tells us do something and He lets us know that it's okay, we still don't believe.
Fear. Doubt. Insecurity?
Perhaps we just don't believe in the authority God has given us. I know that God has been teaching me to have faith, the faith that can move mountains. I have asked God for many things but the answer is always "You need faith first."
As God says in Isaiah 7:9 "Unless your faith is firm, I cannot make you stand firm."
Without that faith, I can do nothing.
God has given us the authority and unless we believe in the power we do not stand firm. I pray that you and I will learn to have the faith Joseph had. Someone in my lifegroup said "The more we actively practice faith, the easier it comes to discern what's from God or not."

Yesterday God tested my faith. Last night our lifegroup planned to share with the other Garden lifegroups how we worship. Hartley was to do prophetic dance and I was to do prophetic painting. Yesterday I was parying and praying asking God for confirmation if I should paint or not. I realized that I was worried God may not show what to paint and that my canvas would remain blank. After praying in the shower God answered
...you have a blank canvas that you were going to paint tuesday but i didn't let you because i want you to paint tonight....
Whoah, thanks God. I'll do it then.
And I did. I obeyed God and it was amazing. When we started to worhsip I kept hearing "Covered by the blood" over and over in my head. So that is what I painted. Us, my lifegroup, you, me, covered and cleansed by the blood. I just painted what I heard and saw and after we finished my friend Mady Anich comes up and totally confirms my painting.
Mady: When we were singing I saw this thick glow in the dark substance dripping down and covering a wall (blood glows under black light)
Sara Vanni and Kevin Nicholson too confirmed it too.
When we obey God's simple desires it is amazing to see what happenes. We cannot worry about the outcome, that's God's job. We just have to obey.
Just like Joseph, we just had to obey what God has called us to do. Joseph couldn't worry about what the neighbors or his parents would think, he had to trust God that it would all be okay.
Obey and let God take care of the outcome.
Just listen and have faith.

Mirror of Lies

2009-12-07T10:10:00.000-08:00

I never struggled with my image until a couple months ago. I hated looking in the mirror. What I saw in my reflection didn't match up to what God said of me.
I am his masterpiece. His beautiful creation...
But that's not what I saw in the mirror.
What I saw was a girl struggling to keep it together, covering her saddness with makeup and false happiness.
You know how some guys stare at girls?
Picking apart their bodies, seeing them as an object then a person?
Well, ladies, we do that to ourselves too. We degrade ourselves by giving into the world's definition of beauty, picking apart our body parts that do not fit into the gorgeous category.
If only I were prettier....
If only I was bigger here...
If only I was smaller there...
If only I looked like her...
If only....
If only....
This separation of person and beauty is not of The Kingdom. We are not of this world, yet we tend to give into the demands of the earthly confines. The sad thing is, it is so easy to fall into the beauty trap.
So easy that you do not even realize it's happening.
It happened to me.
I gave into the world's definition of beauty, totally forgetting the gifts and blessing my Jesus has given me.
Totally pushing aside the One whose thoughts only matter.
I put opinions of the world in front of the thoughts of the Father.
(A person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people. Romans 3:29)

Beauty is an inside job then an outside job.

Why do we give into the mirror? It has such a power over us that it is quite sickening to think about. We tend to forget that beauty comes from within. Without a beautiful soul, that perfect body with flawless skin is meaningless.
What do you see when you look in the mirror?
Do you see what the world sees or do you see what God sees?
Don't believe the mirror. It lies. God created you and He loves you regardless of what you think about yourself, regardless of what the world thinks of you. His thoughts are the only ones that matter, and He thinks you're pretty cool. You're His favorite and He loves you so much.
Thank you Jesus, Sara Vanni, Sarah Chilberg, and Bill Dogterom for reminding me what true beauty is. I've learned my lesson and will never believe the mirror of lies again.

The Other Mr. West.

2009-11-19T12:46:00.000-08:00

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

-Matthew West "The Motions"

It's not a checklist.
It's not a schedule.
It's not a ritual.
It's not a pattern.

It is love.
It is joy.
It is passion.
It is trust.
It is hard.
It is faith.
It is everything.

The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn...

2009-11-16T18:47:00.000-08:00

I have called you by name; you are mine

-God

You are precious to me. You are honored and I love you.

-God

Sometimes I feel so darn romanticized by God.
I really do.
Reading these verses from Isaiah 43 give me that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you think about that one special person.
He likes me. He really likes me and I like Him back.
I honestly feel like a 12 year girl again thinking about how BIG God's love is.
And how beautiful this thing is, there in no way of explaining this love in human words
(And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. Ephesians 3:18)
These verses set a pretty high standard for my future husband.
I want this love.
I deserve this love.
I deserve a love that I cannot fathom, a love that blows my mind because I know my husband is a gift from my Heavenly Father.
I'm 21 and I have not been in a "serious" relationship. But you know what? Thank God for that! I think if I was in a relationship in the past I would be cutting myself short, cheating myself out of the love that God promises us when two become one.
Maybe that's why I am still single; God's teaching me how to love and how to be loved in return.

I mean, that's the greatest thing to learn right?

(Yes, I did just quote Moulin Rogue!)
If this love is not present in a future relationship then I don't want it. I want the love that

surpasses.
all.
understanding.
To be loved in such a way that thinking about it brings me to tears.
Lately I've been getting a little misty eyed when I think about God's love.
It's so beautiful. So amazing. So comforting.
I cry even more when I think about people who cut themselves short, who think this love is out of their reach. There is a love out there that is so beautiful that words cannot describe it. You can't hold it. You can't touch it.
But you can feel it.
I feel it in my family, my friends, my roommates, through my personal times with Jesus.
....There goes that bubbly feeling again.....
Hey you, yeah you deserve this love too. You can feel giggly and fuzzy when you think about God and how much he loves you.
So stop cutting yourself short, okay?

Hold out for that love that He promises us.

It'll be worth it.

Plumerias Spark Conversation

2009-11-11T17:19:00.000-08:00

The smell of plumerias is wafting through the open door.

It's a beautiful smell. A smell created by God.

A beautiful smell. One I wish I could capture.

I want to capture this moment: the delicious aroma, the sound of my friends laughing, the complete relaxed feeling that is enveloping my household....

Sara and I are both doing homework. Notecards, studying for tests, talking about how amazing our brains are.

Do you ever think about how your brain?

That mass of grey and white matter that houses your memory and your life sustaining systems.

It's beautiful. Truly beautiful.

I (and Sara) love thinking about my brain as a massive filing room, with fast hands flipping through the folders upon folders of memories. Our brains are remarkable.

Take a psychological psychology class and then tell me if you don't believe in something bigger.

Impossible.

If you can take a class that picks apart the brain, lobe by lobe, hypothalamus to the medulla, and still not believe in a master creator you are an idiot.

I reserve the right to call you as such. How can you deny the work of a higher power? There's no way we evolved from a blob. Humor me and research the amazing things our brains can do. I think you would fall in love with your God even more.

Talking about how fast and unique our brains are led Sara and I to talk about eyes.

Do you know the process that leads to vision?

Receptor cells, bipolar cells, amacrine cells, ganglion cells, which lead to the occipital lobe in the back of your brain back up to your eyes to register what you are seeing.

All in a matter of less then a second.

In that smidge of time, you are able to recognize what you looking at, observe the location, and know the history of that object.

All in a matter of less then a second.

Less then a second.

Our bodies are beautiful, created by God, molded with love.

Everything from the tiniest mitochondria cell to the dexterity of our hands baffles me.

The tiny capillaries that transfer blood from the arteries to the veins.

The tempanic membrane that vibrates with the beat of sound.

Our toes.

My belly button that makes me laugh every time I look at it.

The flexibility of our spines.

Lips.

The strength of our muslces and tendons.

The sensitivity of fingertips

Our tastebuds.

The heart that pumps that precious blood to every corner of the body.

Thank you God.

Thank you for my semi-permeable membranes, my lingua frenulum (thank you Sara), and my ossicles.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

Psalm 139:4

I Love The Garden.

2009-11-09T17:57:00.001-08:00

Set Up from Emma Pidgeon on Vimeo.

Forehead/Frustration Blog

2009-11-04T10:23:00.000-08:00

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A Beautiful Nothing

2009-10-30T10:00:00.000-07:00

Update: Thanks to everyone for their prayers concerning my last post. God changed my day right after I posted the blog. We serve such an amazing Lord but there are times when we feel down and out. That's when it is important to be open with your community and open with God. Thanks again to everyone.
My passion is back.

He is the Potter, and He is certainly greater then you, the clay.
Isaiah 29:16

I am the clay.
I am a worthless ball of dirt, mud, and water.
Without the Potter the clay is nothing.
It has no form, no meaning.
Worthless.
The hands of the Potter, the creativity and intricate planning of the Creator along give life to this lump of clay.
It begins to take shape. Begins to be molded into what the Potter wants it to be.
Suddenly, the ugly pile of clay has become a beautiful creation:
YOU.
Every part has a purpose. Every characteristic has a purpose.
The Potter made me, made you, with a plan in mind. He didn't just mash some clay together; it was a process, a methodical and loving process that you and I are results of.
So how can we, the clay who was nothing before the Creator came along, say to the Potter
"Nope, you missed a spot"
"Don't like that"
"Definitely don't like that"
"I think you could do a better job then that"
No.
We have no right to dismantle what God has created.
We are His masterpieces. His works of art.
Created specifically for His purpose.
The Potter didn't just create, He planned out a life for his beautiful masterpiece.
Don't believe the lies of the world that tell you that you are not beautiful, unloved.
He made you and He made the trees, the mountains, the seas, the birds, the animals.
And He loves you more then all those things.

For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
Ephesians 2:8

That Rock In The Corner

2009-10-26T10:41:00.000-07:00

When Mary Magdalene and another Mary go to visit the tomb an angel greets them and says "He isn't here! Go and tell the others that he has risen!"

They were very frightened but also filled with great joy

Matthew 28:8

These two women were entrusted to share the good news of the resurrection of Jesus yet they were scared......sound familiar?

The Marys were terrified, yet full of overwhelming joy.

(Let the joy that's bubbling inside wash away all feelings of fear and doubt)

Such a joy that they HAD TO tell someone that their Lord has risen from the grave!

I wonder how fast they ran.

I bet they ran so fast, faster then ever before.

They probably didn't even feel tired when they got back to town.

How fast are you running?

Do your legs hurt and is your chest pounding from spreading the good news?

I wish I could say mine were.

I wish I could say I didn't feel so apathetic.

Apathetic not just about spreading the love of Jesus, but apathetic about everything:

school, work, friends.....

I feel like my life at this moment is a time lapse video of a field of flowers. Everything is growing and changing except that one rock in the corner that just sits there.

Doing nothing, not moving, not growing while everything around is beautiful and dynamic. But the rock is okay with being a rock and that is what really bothers me is that I am feeling okay about being apathetic.

All I've wanted to do lately is listen to the Beach Boys radio station on Pandora and watch movies.

Why this funk?

What has happened to my zest for History that has seemed to be lost under piles and piles of footnotes, annotated bibliographies, and essays?

Where's my joy?

So I ask of you readers, please keep me in your prayers

that this haze will pass

........that my joy for what I love will return

................that I won't be that dumb rock in the corner

........................that my legs and chest will begin to burn

Jumping Too Far,

2009-10-18T11:18:00.001-07:00

Hello, my name is Emma.....and I'm a worrier.

It's been about 10 minutes since my last worry session but I know I'm getting there.

Hi Emma.

I am an overanalyzing, overthinking, nail biting, worrier.

I overthink almost everything and I worry way too much.

And it is not the big things I stress out about; it's the little things. I seem to instantly jump to the worst conclusion, instead of calming thinking things through.

Where's my phone?

Where are my keys?

What did that text mean?

Why didn't they text me back?

(Did they get in an accident?)

(Are they okay?)

(It's going to be my fault if they died reading my text message)

Where did my book go, I just had it?

Why? Why? Why?

Reading that list shocks me.

It is so ridiculous the things I let myself worry about.

Miriam Webster Dictionary defines worry as "feeling or experiencing concern or anxiety"

Francis Chan says "Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives"

Jesus says "Why do you have so little faith?"

It's somewhat of a beautiful thing to realize that I cannot control anything. I can try to do what I want but it will not work....

ever.

We do not have to worry about anything because our Lord and Savior is in control.

But then...why do we worry?

Why do I?

Postcards and Love Letters

2009-10-14T22:26:00.000-07:00

God asked "Who shall I send? Who will go for us?"
Isaiah answers "Here I am. Send me."

If Isaiah knew what he was getting himself into would have said that?

God asked ....

he answered.

I wonder how he answered though.

Was it an "Oh please, oh please. Pick me, Jesus! Pick me!" response? As he jumps up and down in excitement and pure joy?
or
Did it resemble a classroom where the teacher asks the class for a volunteer and stares at a certain student. The student looks around, making sure the teachers is addressing him, "You talking to me? Are you asking me, Jesus? Really?"

Maybe it was a timid here I am.

Hey, God down here, I'll do it but I'm small and the world is scary but you're a big guy, so I trust you. Send me.

Send me.

Send me where? Long Beach? Down the street? Across the globe?

Not knowing is kinda scary. Actually, it's really scary. I like to know things ahead of time. I like to plan, not a step by step schedule but more so an "outline" of what's going to happen.

I think I'm the timid answerer.

Hey God, yeah ummm send me? I do not know what to do or how to do it but I trust you. I will not get it right, I'll worry, stress, cry, fail, but ....

I'll do it.

Send me.

That's it. That's why we're here. We're God's postcards, His love letters to his children.

His message to the people that He loves unconditionally.

Wish you were here. Heaven is wonderful but I miss you so much. Do you know how much I love you? Do you really know? I sent my Son to die for you because I want you, yes you, to be in Heaven with me. You'll love it here but I need you to stay on Earth for a bit and tell everyone else I love them the same you. We'll see each other soon.

I love you so much,

God

P.S. You're special and I made you exactly the way I wanted to make you.

A Baby Named Hope

2009-10-07T16:30:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last Thursday: a baby girl was born. As I held this beautiful baby girl wrapped up in her delicate pink blanket, I could feel the happiness and joy emitting from my friends around me. I could not see anyone's face but I could feel everyone's presence, their support and shared excitement as we gazed upon this new creation. The baby was mine, yet it belonged to all of my lifegroup as well. She was beautiful and she belonged to us.

I woke up to this image of me holding this amazing baby and instantly I wanted to know her name.

As soon as I asked myself, I remembered.

Her name was Hope. A beautiful baby girl named Hope.

Hope.

This was not just a dream. It felt so real. So different.

But I asked myself, what does hope mean?

I decided to look up the Greek translation of hope, thank you Jesus for Google.

Hope in Greek is elpis.

Elpis: defined as a desire for some future good with the expectation of obtaining it.

Hope is a confident expectation that something will happen. We know that God is at work and we are adventurously anticipating this breakthrough.

Instead of being the change you wish to see in the world, be the hope you wish to see. Confidently expect that God will use you to further the advancement of his Kingdom wherever you may be. Don't doubt your purpose on this earth.

Be the hope to your city.

Hope is in our hands.

Just. A. Bit. More. Heavenly.

2009-10-02T20:08:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again: the leaves are beginning to change color, the wind feels a bit crisper, the time of hot cups of tea and warm blankets.

As I sit wrapped up in my blanket, I cannot help but think that this is what Heaven will be like: warm and comforting, and completely peaceful. I like to imagine that the warm embrace of my blanket is the soothing arms of my Jesus, enveloping me in His comforting and secure presence. For some reason, when I am cocooned in a blanket I feel perfectly safe; nothing can attack that security that comes from my blanket covering me from head to toe.

Jesus is my security blanket.

Wrapped up in His arms of grace I sit, perfectly content, joyous; knowing that I as much as I love being wrapped up in his presence, He is loving our embrace even more.

Just knowing that this will be a reality warms y body even more. We have the joy of knowing that we will be face to face with our Savior, we will be enveloped in his overwhelming comforting presence. I still hope that there will be blankets in Heaven. Sitting a cuddly blanket and in the presence of my Lord Jesus?

That just makes Heaven just. a. bit. more. heavenly.

-Emma

Psalm 001

2009-09-30T14:41:00.000-07:00

Open your eyes, O World!
Remove the veil.
See His glory and turn on the light.
The blinding light that reveals the darkness yet restores.
Heals.
How long will you keep your face hidden ancient Earth?
When will you turn from your dark ways?

Greater Things Have Yet To Come

2009-09-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

I had high hopes for last night. I was so excited to talk to Billy about what he was thinking about lifegroups and I knew we would hammer out all the details.

After a near 2 hours of talking we both came to the same conclusion:

The only thing we figured out is that we don't have anything figured out.

And, that's okay.

It's funny how after we came to that conclusion God gave Billy an amazing idea of how we can get everyone involved in this group's mission statement and to keep all of us accountable.

Good job God.

Those little God things have been happening alot lately....

So we have one Tuesday planned out of hopefully many more Tuesdays in the future. But we decided that routine sucks.

Simply put, it's boring.

Once it begins to feel scheduled, time to through a curve ball, a worship night, a service night, something to keep everyone on their toes. We do not want to get caught up in the steps. I've been there and it does not work. Our desire is for people to be expectant for Tuesday nights and to not just make it a bible study that happens once a week but to truly become involved with everyone's life. This is our family. Our team.

Let's be pumped for our team guys!

When I was walking and talking with God the other day I got this picture of our lifegroup: we are all vines that have been growing seperately. Now, our vines are growing together and wrapping around the vine of Jesus. Our vines became so intertwined that it was impossible to see who was who.

This is what I want our lifegroup to look like! How awesome would it be to have this amazing support group of people that are living and growing along side you?

Billy and I were discussing songs we could sing and everyone in the lifegroup loves Chris Tomlin's "God of the City." We sing it alot at The Garden and it seems the perfect song to represent what The Garden represents and what our hopes are for Long Beach.

During one of our many bathroom breaks last night I checked my phone and I had a text from Mady Anich. She had texted me "Greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city."

Yeah. No joke. Billy and I totally lost it.

(If you are wondering why this is such an awesome thing, those are some lyrics to "God of this City" just in case you were wondering )

Obviously, God is just getting started with this group and with Long Beach.

Please keep us in prayer as we figure out what God has planned for us!

Maybe He doesn't want us to know. And that's okay.

But one thing's for sure: Greater things have yet to come!

Standing on the Threshold

2009-09-23T17:59:00.000-07:00

"You are standing on the threshold of the rest of your life"

-My Mommy

Back story: my journal that I am currently using was previously employed as my Chile journal in the summer of 2007. Letters from my mom and my sister have been kept in its pages and I rediscovered them last night. As I was reading the letter my mom wrote I couldn't help but think that God wanted me to reread these words. They applied to me during the mission trip in Chile and they apply now. My roommates and new friends from The Garden are spearheading our church's first and only college life group. We all felt called to start something and when we shared with Darren our pastor he shared the same vision. He's been feeling led to reach out and minister to CSULB and college kids in general.
That got us excited.

This is the threshold. This college lifegroup is completely new, so fresh and God brought us all together to be a part of it! We had to decide on who would facilitate (not lead, leading insinuates a higher status) this group: a guy and a girl. Billy, who is the only guy in a group so far was obviously the best choice for our guy facilitator and that left the girl position to be filled. I have always felt called to be a leader and this opportunity presented itself. I wanted nothing to do with it. I was nervous, scared, not ready for something this big but I knew that God wanted me to take the plunge. Late Tuesday night I was divulging my thoughts to my roomies about my hesitation to take on this role. They all assured me that they feel right about this decision encouraged me that what I was feeling confirmed God's choice. I did not feel ready, I still don't, but I know God will work. So know, I am faciliatinig this new baby lifegroup and all I know is that I do not want to lead; I want God to lead. Yesterday, all I could think about was lifegroup and I was so ridiculously excited. I couldn't sit still and all these ideas were pouring into my head about what direction this group should take. Please keep our new college lifegroup in your prayers. We know this is what God wants. Now, we just want to know what to do next. Pray for growth, that we will grow together while growing deeper in our relationship with Jesus.

"Gosh, you are standing on the threshold of the rest of your life..it's all there waiting for you, fresh and untried."

So here we are: standing on the threshold.

There's no turning back. What does the past have to offer?

It's time to take a step in faith.

It's time to jump in.

So Blessed.

2009-09-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

This summer has been absolutely fantastic. God has blessed me in so many ways and I'm still in awe when I think about everything that has happened these past months.

Oh where do I begin?

First of all, God provided Rachel, Sara, Jenny and I with a house. But there was still the problem that we needed a fifth roommate and we needed one fast.

Which leads to the second blessing: Ashley E. Bonzell. Jesus was totally at work when He brought all of us together. I cannot imagine a more perfect addition to our little family. I feel like I have known her my entire life. Ashley has such a passion for the Lord and she is so encouraging and easy to talk to. Oh, and she has the best laugh ever.

And laugh we do.

Alot.

God also blessed me with a job. The day we move in we go to Stater Brothers to stock our fridge and there is a sign saying "Now Hiring: Courtesy Clerks." Long story short, Jenny and I both get jobs within two weeks of living in Long Beach. Thank you Jesus.

Moving down the line...

I have met some amazing people that love Jesus; people that I can happily call my friends. Family dinners with the boys of Huntington Beach to the two nomads that camped in our living room for near two months until God blessed them with a house of their own. Thank you Lord!

Next stop: The Garden.

When I moved to Long Beach I was pretty much church homeless. I attended Rock Harbor only because Sara and Jenny had been previously attending. Jesus brought me to The Garden, Rock Harbor's church plant in Long Beach, and I fell in love. On my first day the congregation didn't even reach 100 people. It's small and I love it. God is totally at work there and it is amazing to be a part of.

It's raw.

The Garden is not polished; the worship isn't perfect and we meet in a nightclub.

It's raw and it's refreshing.

I could go on and on about how the Lord has blessed me this summer. I have learned so much more about who Jesus is and how more about how He loves us simply because He does!

Has anyone else felt His blessing this summer? I want to know so I can praise Jesus right along with you!

And On Day 6....

2009-09-10T23:34:00.000-07:00

God created humans....

....and bugs.

I was greeted by this little guy as I failed to capture a gigantic spider that had taken residence on our front porch. Such a small creature that God created for His glory. Thank you Jesus for this little morning present.

My Life As An Apple Tree

2009-09-05T23:14:00.000-07:00

Just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.
Matthew 7:20

We know an apple tree is an apple tree because we can see the fruit. The bright red or crisp green apples hanging from the branches tell us what kind of tree is growing before us. Fruit gives away what kind of tree the tree is easily. It is clearly simple to distinguish an orange tree from a cherry tree because we can see what the tree produces. In the Bible, our works and deeds are referred to as 'fruit." Like the apple tree and it's apples, the fact that we are followers of Christ should be evident by our fruit, our actions. If an apple tree was bare of apples it would be much harder to tell it apart from another fruit tree. The same principle applies to Christianity: people will know we are believers by what we produce.
So the question is....

Are you producing good fruit or bad fruit? Are you producing fruit at all?

I love the metaphor of a tree to describe our lives. The more time we spend with the Lord the deeper our roots grow and the more fruit we produce.

And now, just as you accepted Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built upon him.
Colossians 2:6-7

Continue growing in His presence. He will make you strong, able to withstand any storms or disasters that will try to uproot you. I am currently in the process of painting my version of the verse in Colossians. It has been in my mind for a while and I was so excited to finally have the time to begin it.

I have the entire weekend of and I want to devote it to finishing my painting. The details are not visible in this picture so it does not look as lifeless. I am so excited to see how it will turn out! God is good and so much to offer if you begin growing in Him.

The Real Meaning Of Love

2009-08-23T10:01:00.000-07:00

Greet each other with Christian love.

1 Peter 5:13

What is this Christian Love Peter speaks about? We all know what "love" is but adding Christian to it seems to give it a whole new meaning. I was pondering this phrase and 1 John came to me and I flipped to chapter 3.

John says, "We know what real love because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters."

Real love isn't hugs and kisses and the showering of gifts; it is simply denying yourself daily and putting the needs of others ahead of your own. Jesus set us the perfect example of this real love trhough his death on the cross. Of course giving up our lives doesn't necessarily mean sacrificing yourself but it does involve a daily denial of our own selfish desires. God the Father loved us so much that he gave up his son as a sacrifice to redeem us from our sins. We all know the story but have you really thought about it? Such a love that truly cannot be described with human words saved us from eternal suffering.

Unfailing.

Indescribable.

John continues in verse 18 "Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions." Saying "I love you" slides so easily off the tongue but truly acting out our loves proves to be much harder. I think that this is what Peter meant by Christian love, a love that is not expressed in mere words but acted out daily and with self denial.

I still cannot wrap my mind around this amazing powerful force. Almost every passage I have been reading in the Bible has revealed the Father's love for us. I feel so convicted because God gave the ultimate sacrifice for me and yet I struggle to find time in my oh so buy day to simply be in his love. It completely broke me when I realized that God desires for me to spend time in his presence and i have been brushing it off day after day.

Please pray that I will not be distracted by everyday occurrences. He deserves our quiet times and I am tired of denying the Creator this.

Love in a way that puts others before your desires. It is hard. I struggle with it but following through with God's will is so much rewarding!

Oh our Lord is loving.

Show your love to others the way Jesus showed his love for us.

I Want You To Know My Joy

2009-08-13T22:29:00.000-07:00

And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive.
With His breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And he set me on fire and I am burning alive.
With his breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And I cannot hold it in
Remain composed.
Love's taken over me
So I propose the letting myself go.
I am letting myself go.

David Crowder's song completely describes what I am and have been feeling for these past 2 weeks. I have just been utterly joyous. I cannot explain it but I love it.

Oh what joy I feel.

I can't stop it and I can't keep it to myself. I want everyone to experience this pure elation that has taken residence inside of me.

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth, burst into jubilant song with music

Psalm 98:4

This joy, this fire within me, is nothing like I have ever felt before. I pray that it will never cease, never dwindle, that it will continue to consume me.

All of me.

It doesn't come from wealth, fancy clothes, fat cars, or relationships. This overwhelming joy comes from being in the presence of God's spirit and pursuing the Father. Seek Him out. Be content being in his presence whether it is simply sitting in silence or enjoying the blessings He has for you.

I pray you encounter this joy.

It is nothing like you will ever experience.

Something Big Is Coming.

2009-07-30T15:31:00.000-07:00

Sara Vanni and I encountered God Tuesday night. I do not even know where to begin.

I guess I will start with LoveHOP. LoveHOP, which stands for House of Prayer, is designed to provide 24 hours of nonstop time with the Savior. You can check out more at www.lovehop.org.

I apologize for this choppy version of my experience. There is just so much to say:

We decided to spend some alone time with God and I tried my hardest to listen to the Spirit but I kept getting frustrated. I've been wanting to hear the audible voice of God for so long but I felt God wanting me to be still and draw out a picture that has been floating in my head since July 8th. This image of hands holding a light bulb with the verses Matthew 5:14-16 wrapped around the hands has been consuming my dreams for so long. While I was finishing up my drawing a guy walks in and we introduce ourselves and when I say my name is Emma he says "Emma? That's a prophetic name. You hear God's voice and you are a healer."

WHAT? I had just said that I can't hear God's voice and how it frustrates me. I am already freaking out already. Katzy, his name, Sara and I began to worship and pray together. He felt that God wanted him to show the presence of the Spirit and I felt it! The weight of the Lord made my hands drop. So many things happened that night. There were even angels in the room. Yeah angels.

Katzy prayed over me at one time and said that around me was a blue flame which represents revelation. He said that I will begin to hear God's voice and will see visions and dreams and that God is totally going to rock my world. He also said that the Lord will guide my hands and in I will be doing prophetic drawings. He saw my drawing of the hand and the light bulb and said that LoveHOP was based upon Matthew 5:14-16.

Again...WHAT? By this time I can't stop shaking.

Katzy also described to us the difference of the baptism of water and the baptism of the Spirit as described in Acts 2. He then asked if we would like to receive this baptism and hesitantly we both said a weak "yes."

As he prayed over me, I began to rock back and forth totally uncontrollably. He prayed that the Spirit will consume me and when he said "Holy Spirit come" I fell over. Totally fell over onto the floor in awe of God's amazingness. The funny thing is, in Hebrew the term "glory of God" is actually the "weight of God." In Revelation, John describes how he fell to the floor almost dead when he came into the presence of the Creator. He was so overwhelmed with the glory that it literally caused him to fall to the floor.

Something big is coming. God is not silent anymore. Things are happening and it is not beginning with our parents or the elders of the church. It's us. CSULB is going to be rocked this year. Stuff is going to happen. A new breed of believers are being risen up. I told Katzy this and he said that that term "new breed" is something many people have been speaking about. Apparently what I had said was prophetic and I did not even know it.

Open your ears, eyes, and heart to the Spirit.

Something is coming.....

October 25

2009-07-06T11:16:00.000-07:00

October 25.

U2 at the Rose Bowl.

Kelsey won tickets on the radio and we're seeing our favorite band together! I'm still in shock.
Our tickets are going for $600 on the internet. Oh yeah :)

Thank you seester!

How deep, how wide.

2009-07-04T09:34:00.000-07:00

I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Ephesians 3:17-19

If there is one thing I have been learning while spending time in God's word is that his love is UNFAILING. The word unfailing appears 73 times in the book of Psalms alone. 122 in the entire Bible. Unfailing. Never ending. Enduring. Everlasting. Our father loves us no matter how many times we screw up, no matter how many times we walk away. He will always be waiting for us with open arms. The Bible also says that there is no way that we humans can comprehend his love for us. We try to mold his love into ways that we perceive it; a box of chocolates, a dozen red roses, a kiss or a hug. Why do we try to make God fit us and our desires? Instead his love is seen in the artistry of sunsets, the splendor of the oceans, or in the complexity of a single feather. The master that created everything, everything, on this planet loves you and he loves me, unfailingly. It breaks my heart seeing people that have never experienced this amazing love. They have no idea that they are adored by the creator of the universe. This is when it becomes our personal mission to show his love to the unloved. The rewards are great.

It has been an eventful couple of months. I packed up my entire life, moved to Long Beach, and got a job. Well I haven't started the job yet, but that will change on Tuesday! God has never left me and has provided for my roommates and I in amazing ways. Jenny and I both got jobs at Stater Brothers when at least 200 people showed up for the interview, and He has provided a wonderful Christian roommate who will be a perfect addition to out little family. Sometimes it seems that God is not listening to the prayers but He is. Things work in His time, not ours. Having faith the He will provide is defiantly an experience. There's nothing you can do except wait and pray. But He is listening and will answer. Have faith and trust.

My Prayer

2009-04-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

O God, you are my God;

I earnestly search for you.

My soul thirsts for you;

my whole body longs for you

in this parched and weary land

where there is no water.

I have seen you in your sanctuary

and gazed upon your power and glory.

Your unfailing love is better than life itself;

how I praise you!

I will praise you as long as I live,

lifting up my hands to you in prayer.

You satisfy me more than the richest feast.

I will praise you with songs of joy.

Psalm 63: 1-5 NLT

I want this verse to be my prayer. To be everything I represent.

Beach Blog

2009-03-10T08:31:00.001-07:00

Last Saturday we had a bonfire at the beach.

It was epic.

I love my friends.

I ate 5 hotdogs.

Nothing better then cooking hotdogs over an open flame, on the beach, with my friends.

Thanks Travis Osbourne

2009-02-28T18:48:00.000-08:00

I hope I didn't offend you Trav by asking you to update your blog, but you're all the way in Redding and Annette always has something new for me to look at. I think that the term "e-slapping" may be taking it too far. I simply nudged you.

Anyways...

Thank you very much for giving me a "blog shoutout." I feel special.

It's funny to think that the new high schoolers and jr. highers will never get a chance to meet the Osbournes and build lasting relationships like many of us have. I miss you guys and I'm so happy to see how amazing God is and how He's working through you.

Keep bloggin, Trav :)

Books Only Go So Far

2009-02-23T20:30:00.001-08:00

You can read a book and learn more about math, language, history, or science. But a book can only teach you so much about relationships. They can tell you how to act and what to expect, but they can only teach you so much. Reading a book about being a relationship is nothing compared to actually being involved with someone else. When these relationships do not work end, most people tend to think of them as wasted time. In some cases this may be true but for others, you have learned so much about yourself and other people that you could never learn through reading an advice column. Dating is first hand experence of figuring out what's right for you. Obviously, if the love did not last, it was not the right relationship. People learn by doing. It's a sad cycle that is often over repeated but for those that can see the beauty in it, it is a interesting, yet strange, learning experience.

This will sound cliché, but everything truly happens for a reason. Do not get all bend out of sorts when things do not happen the way you pictured. Life is not like "The Notebook," although it is fun to imagine. God has everything planned. He knows the number of hairs on your head; of course He's going to look out for you. The problem is turning the reigns over to Him. We like control. We like knowing what's going to happen. Hello, I'm not God. There's no way I can possibly see why things happen the way they do. I just need to trust. Trust that my future husband is out there and he's going to make me so happy :)

Trust that everything will work itself out.

Proverbs 3:4-5

Singing In The Storms

2009-02-16T15:52:00.000-08:00

I absolutely love listening to a song and then realizing that the artist's words totally relate to my life. This doesn't happen to often for me but i had my iTunes on shuffle and Phil Wickam's "Sailing On A Ship" permeated through my speakers. What a beautiful song about how our storms bring us closer to God. This song has been played many times on my computer, and I just now realized and heard the beauty of his words. The last verse is the one that gets me; I will still sing through the storms. Sometimes, muscians get it. Thank you, Phil Wickam.

A voice is on the wind
It calls me further in
I’m heading deeper into Your heart
Your mark is on my chest
My sails filled with your breath
You guide me by the light of the sun

I’m sailing on a ship that’s bound for life
I wrestle with the wind against the tide
I'd leave it all behind to reach for more
I’m sailing on to Your golden shore, to Your golden shore

The skies go blue to grey
And I’m thrown from wave to wave
You still will hear these lungs singing hard
With every storm I face
I find a greater grace
That pulls me deeper into Your heart

God's Promise

2009-02-09T16:43:00.000-08:00

It has rained about 4 days straight here in Southern California, almost setting a record for us spoiled sunshine kids. While I was reading "Through Painted Deserts" by Don Miller, sunlight poured through my blinds. I ran outside and grabbed my camera, hoping to catch a glimpse of a rainbow. I did.

It arched right over my house

"God continued, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and everything living around you and everyone living after you. I'm putting my rainbow in the clouds, a sign of the covenant between me and the Earth. From now on, when I form a cloud over the Earth and the rainbow appears in the cloud, I'll remember my covenant between me and you and everything living, that never again will floodwaters destroy all life."

Genesis 9:12-15

For You U2 Fans Out There....You're Welcome

2009-02-01T09:57:00.000-08:00

It's not the finalized version, they still need to brush up the edges and all that jazz. But here you go, U2's music video to "Get On Your Boots."
Let me in the sound :)

Coldplay & Puppets

2009-01-22T09:56:00.000-08:00

Coldplay just posted a new video for their single "Life in Techincolor ii." It's pretty cool and creative how they did this music video. I especially like the ending...

And this one just made me laugh...

Get On Your Boots

2009-01-19T22:38:00.001-08:00

Hey sexy boots…

Check out U2's new single from their upcoming album "No Line On the Horizon" Get On Your Boots. I must agree with Dan Lance; if you think U2 is not the greatest band in the world, I will eat you for breakfast.

It's been a long wait but March 3rd, 2009 is definately marked on my calendar.

Here's the full tracklisting:
1. No Line On The Horizon
2. Magnificent
3. Moment of Surrender
4. Unknown Caller
5. I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight
6. Get On Your Boots
7. Stand Up Comedy
8. Fez - Being Born
9. White As Snow
10. Breathe
11. Cedars Of Lebanon